B laid in Jay's arms while he rubbed her back softly, she was just enjoying the way is heartbeat sounded in her ear. It reminded her how human they all were. It reminded her of the life she now carried in her womb. It reminded her of the fact that she knew Jay's heart would always beat for her, she knew Jay was willing to do whatever it took for them to survive. She was going through her process and as the weeks went by, it got easier to accept. She was now fully– or very close to the point of acceptance. Was she happy and ecstatic? Still, no. It was going to take her a little bit more time before she could release her fears completely. Was she still angry though? No, well, not nearly as angry as before. There was no going back, so it was no need to remain so angry about it. It wasn't a straight line, though. Sometimes it would hit her like a pile of bricks once she remembered the weight of the situation.
Jay's touch always soothed her though. He always reminded her of how much she loved him and how much she truly needed him. B thought about whether or not she could make it through without Jay and the answer was always a 'no.' No matter the circumstance, she felt like she would always need Jay. And whether that was a good or bad thing didn't matter to her.
"You okay?" Jay asked her softly. She nodded silently against him. "I have to get up in a minute." B whined softly, hoping that he would change his mind about whatever he wanted to do. "I know." He whispered. "I'll come back. How are you feeling?"
"Just tired." She mumbled honestly. She no longer felt like she had the flu, she only felt like she had the weight of the world on her back and it just made her tired. If laying down for thirty weeks was possible, B would definitely do it. She wished she could just hibernate, but she knew her family needed her. She had to keep kicking because there were three innocent little hearts depending on her and now there was a fourth one.
"Do you need me to get you anything?" Jay asked.
B shook her head. "No, thank you, baby." He hugged his arms around her tighter to let her know that he wasn't going to get up yet. She smiled instinctively at the gesture and began to feel guilty for trying to place all of the blame on him in the first place. He was right, he was there for her. He was there for her through it all. And when things got tough with Rumi, he stepped up and took care of everything else. He's a damn good man and she was wrong to pretend that he wouldn't continue to be one. She inhaled deeply, getting a good whiff of his scent. There was no replacing Jay, he was literally 'one of one.' There was no other man like him on the earth and this, B knew for a fact.
"I'm going to go make dinner." He finally said. "Do you feel like you can eat anything?"
She nodded. "I don't feel nauseous or anything. And the thought of food doesn't repulse me." B hoped that she didn't just jinx herself because she actually was pretty hungry today.
"Cool, baby." He said and began to stand up. "I'll come get you when it's ready."
After dinner, the kids were allowed a snack while B and Jay sat down on the couch a few feet away. Jay wrapped his arm around her and kissed her cheek before using his other arm to rub her small, but growing, belly. "Do you think we should tell the kids yet?" Jay asked.
B pondered. "Maybe." She said. "It's kind of early, but... it would give them more time to understand. Especially Rumi." With Rumi being the youngest, B didn't expect her to fully understand the changes that were going to be happening as much as her older siblings.
"I think they'd take it well." Jay thought. "JJ just told me that he wanted a little brother two months ago. He probably cursed you." He laughed, but B didn't because he was probably right.
"Come on, we can tell them while they're all right there." Deciding to tell them so early made her a bit nervous. It was always the thought of 'what if I miscarry?' in the back of her head, but she needed to ignore it. She thought being straight forward with them would help them understand why mommy didn't feel good all the time and why mommy had to go to the doctor so often. Because at this point, they all just thought she was dying.
