It Started With a Spinny

Shame on Me

It's Saturday, Luz upstairs in the bedroom again, Amity working on the clubhouse again, and Vee sitting at the kitchen table trying not to worry that they're avoiding each other.

The wide mulberry line of her lips curve around her rounded muzzle in a guilty frown. It's because of her isn't it, the way she ran out on Amity at the clubhouse?

But then they'd seemed fine at movie night, holding hands on the sofa next to Camila as they watched the third part of The Hobbit, Luz and Camilla groaning while Amity oscillated between engrossed and confused. Amity wearing that watermelon pink nightdress Vee had found for her at the thrift store, Luz wearing her grey singlet and violet shorts she was somehow comfortable enough to sleep in, Vee unable to decide who looked cuter.

Gus had been so keen to keep watching even as he kept nodding off, Hunter insistently taking him to bed and Willow taking the chance to go too. Leaving just Luz, Amity, Camilla and Vee. She'd felt her hearts racing, tried to look away just as she saw Amity frowning to herself, trying not to move as she looked covertly over at Luz. She hesitated, then nervously rested her head on Luz's shoulder. And Luz had smiled so happily, so naturally resting her head on Amity's, both smiling wonderfully as they squeezed each other's hands!

Vee had been so relieved that they were okay, her hearts quietly bursting at how happy they looked, how warm, how safe. She'd been happy for them, really happy for them, really! And then the emergency call had come in and Camila had started rushing off to the vets.

Luz starts to sit up, but Vee beats her to it, "I've got it!"

Luz blinks up at her in confusion.

Vee smiles triumphantly: "I used to do it all the time when you weren't here, see!" And with a wet rattlehiss she's Luz again, just like she used to be. Except she's not the Luz she used to be, she's Luz now: scruffy hair, scar on her eyebrow, even 'wearing' Luz's dark violet trackpants, beige sleeved grey jacket and teracotta cap, complete with the pins proudly proclaiming her identity, her identity, Luz's identity! Vee is standing there wearing everything Luz has carefully chosen to identify herself as a costume!

And Luz is staring up at her, and Amity is staring up at her, and Vee is about to die from the silence and the guilt and-

"Are you sure?" Luz asks, "I should be the one, I always-"

"Shhhh," Luz insists as she places her hand down on Luz's and Amity's, insisting: "it's okay, really! You two should get to spend a little time together!"

Luz and Amity look at each other, sharing a secret look she recognises. They both blush, looking down awkwardly... and see that Luz is still holding their hands.

"Gaah," she flinches back, "sorry I-"

"Okay," Camila rushes back into the room with her packed bag, "I'm off toooo-"

"I'm ready!" Luz says.

Camila blinks, looking from Luz, to Luz, before asking: "Vee?"

"Um, yeah," she rubs her neck, "sorry I thought it'd be easier if I helped you as Luz, like I used to?"

Camila blinks again, then: "Oh right! I keep forgetting that was you. Aaaand it'd probably be easier than introducing another daughter while trying to get Oliver to throw up the other half of Maria's scarf. Ready to go?"

Luz nods enthusiastically, waving goodbye to Luz and Amity as Camila and Luz leave Luz and Amity to finish their movie, everything making sense, everything simple, everything good!

But now Luz and Amity are avoiding each other, and Vee doesn't understand what she did wrong!

She shifts her tail in the kitchen chair, audibly sipping her coffee, enjoying the warm, bittersweet distraction! She'd started drinking it the day she filled in for Camila, that morning when she'd been too tired to even stand or form coherent sentences but still wanted to make it to the vets regardless. And Vee had convinced her it was a Sunday, to go back to bed, tucked her in, and took her place. She'd helped there enough times to know how, relieved at how easy it was to make small talk with everyone, to share a coffee over lunch, discovering just how reassuring and calming coffee was for her.

This was her second cup this morning, but she doesn't feel any better, that leaden guilt still gripping her chest. How can she fix this, what doesn't she understand?

Vee groans loudly, burying her green head in her scaled arms. She thought she could use her shapeshifting for good, like with Camila, like with Luz and Amity last night. She thought she could make things better, better for everyone, start turning things around, but instead she was just-

"Luz?" Amity calls from the front door, turning at a wet rattlehiss to see Luz looking up at her from the kitchen table. Amity smiles: "There you are!"

Luz flinches, looking down at her beige sleeves and brown arms, "Gah, again!"

Amity freezes: "I... sorry I-"

"No no not you!" Luz rushes up to hold Amity's hands, squeezing reassuringly, "You haven't done anything wrong! Really really! It's me, it's all me, I, I..." she looks down, closing her eyes tightly. "I need to tell you something, but... I..."

Amity reaches up to hold her cheek. "It's okay! You don't have to explain."

Luz looks up: "I don't?"

Amity nods, squeezing reassuringly, "I think I understand what's really going on."

Luz stares harder, her voice squeaking: "You do?!"

Amity nods. "I've, had my suspicions for a while, and, well, last night kinda confirmed it."

"Oh. I..." she looks down, "okay."

Amity gently lifts her face to see the patient kindness in hers. "Can we talk about it?"

She reluctantly nods.

Amity gently leads her by the hand towards the living room, leaving just a moment for her to stare worriedly upstairs. Luz must have headphones on, but she could still come downstairs at any moment, and that'd only be a problem if Luz came down and saw Amity with Luz!

So change back then.

"That dress" she swallows, "it suits you."

Amity looks down at her eggplant denim dress as she sits on the sofa, "Thank you, I really like the colour."

She nods, "It's a good colour on you," she lets herself be guided to sit next to Amity, wondering if her pinkish shirt is more plum or pruce.

Stop avoiding everything.

Amity is sitting beside her on the sofa, smiling patiently, her golden eyes kind but concerned. She can't hold her gaze, looks down morosely at their hands held between their laps, Amity's pale hand holding Luz's brown hand, just like last night.

Change back already!

She takes a deep breath, "I'm, I'm really sorry-"

Amity's other hand squeezes both of theirs together: "Don't be. Please?"

Luz shakes her head: "But I should be! I've been lying to you, and I wanted to tell you sooner and I should have told you and then last night!" She sighs, "Of course you knew, I was so obvious, wasn't I."

She looks up briefly, catches a glimpse of Amity's kind eyes. "It's okay! This is all still new to you."

She huffs, "You can say that again!" She looks down, "But, but I promise I won't do it again!"

Amity squeezes harder: "That's the last thing I want!"

She looks up, sees the pain in Amity's eyes. "What, why? Wouldn't that be the right thing to do?"

Amity just looks more pained.

"I'm sorry I'm, I don't understand! What should I say?"

"It's okay, it's," Amity squeezes her cheek, "it's okay. This is all new to you, remember? So I'll try to explain. Okay?"

She nods.

"Good. Okay." Amity closes her eyes, holds their hands again, and takes a deep, steadying breath. "I've never told you about me and Boscha, have I?"