It Started With a Spinny

Being Heard

Luz doesn't respond, not at first. Amity breathes in to say something, and Vee reaches up to hold her free hand, staring imploringly, like she wants to shake her head but doesn't want to disturb Luz. Amity nods, and waits.

"Do you," Luz starts, "do you remember Philip Wittibane?"

Amity smiles, "The human who made the portal door, how could I forget? You were obsessed with him, then all of a sudden..." her words trail off, Luz's hand shaking again. Amity squeezes, imploring: "Luz, what happened?"

Luz takes a deep breath. "Well, I, whew where to even begin? Do you know about time pools?"

Amity's eyes widen, "I've read about them, their folds in time created by Titan Blood. Did you actually find one?"

Luz nods: "Me and Lilith did, and we knew it was dangerous but I wanted to find a way to finish my portal door and see mama again and, so, we went back to the Deadwardian Era. And we met Philip."

Amity breathes in with a smile. Vee squeezes her hand. Amity pauses, then: "What was he like?"

Luz laughs under her breath: "He was not what I expected! He was even kind of a jerk at first, but he warmed up once I told him we could help. He was polite, friendly, charming even!"

Amity looks to Vee, whose still staring. Amity swallows, "He sounds... difficult. Like he was only being polite once he wanted something from you."

Luz nods: "Yeah Lilith saw right through that. But I wanted to believe him: I'd spent so long reading his journal, reading about the only other human in the Boiling Isles, and I wanted his story to have a happy ending! I needed it to, because I thought he was the only way I'd ever see mama again!" Luz sighs, "But he left me and Lilith for dead the moment he got what he needed."

Amity stares, "What was that?"

"A mirror, which let him meet... The Collector."

Amity blinks, "The Collector? That little kid god thing? The one Belos was working wi-"

Silence follows. Amity looks at Vee, who stares as if nodding.

Amity swallows, "Philip Wittibane, became Emperor Belos?"

Luz hugs Vee tighter, "Yeah. And I helped him. I helped him! I showed him the light glyph, I introduced him to The Collector, I'm the reason everything happened! Everyone would have been better off if I never existed!"

Amity looks so pained, "Oh Luz!"

"And I know you said you wouldn't hate me but-"

"It wasn't your fault," Vee states with quiet certainty, "it was mine."

Amity and Luz both stop, asking: "Vee?"

"You said," she swallows again, speaking quietly: "you said Belos's whole plan revolved around a draining spell, to kill everyone in the Boiling Isles by draining their magic, right?"

Luz and Amity nod.

"Why do you think he brought basilisks back? Where do you think he learned about draining magic? Who do you think showed him, over and over and over again?"

Luz gasps: "Vee you can't possibly-"

"If he hadn't brough us back, none of this would have happened. Everyone would have been better off if I neve-"

Amity squeezes Vee and Luz tighter as she begs: "You don't get to say that! Neither of you!"

They both reply: "But-"

"No!" There are tears in Amity's eyes, and her arms are shaking as she holds them both. "Neither of you get to say you shouldn't exist! Neither of you get to blame yourself for being manipulated by a serial abuser! Belos manipulates people, he manipulated everyone, every coven leader, every palace guard, every – Titan if what you say is true he manipulated the entire Boiling Isles into making him Emperor! And he manipulated you," she looks at Vee, "because you didn't want to hurt others but didn't want to be hurt yourself."

Vee just stares.

Amity squeezes Luz's hand, continuing: "And he manipulated you because you wanted to see your mama again and because you help people Luz! You see the best in them, even when she can't see it herself! That's what you do and that's who you are!" She looks at Vee again, "And that's who you are, someone who doesn't want to cause hurt but doesn't want to hurt anymore!"

Vee's eyes start watering again. "A-amity."

"And Belos does not get to take that away from you! From either of you!"

Luz sniffs against the back of Vee's neck: "But-"

"No buts! I love you but no! You are both good people and that isn't ruined forever because a bad person took advantage of your goodness! Titan, the things my mother manipulated me into doing!"

Vee looks down: "You didn't cause an apocalypse."

Luz hides more: "You didn't help a monster come to power."

"I destroyed Willow!" Vee looks up, sees the tears streaming down Amity's face. "She was my best friend and I destroyed her, I used everything she'd confided in me to convince her she was worthless! And I did it for years!"

Both Vee and Luz reach out, unsure what to say.

Amity closes her eyes, takes a shaking breath. "And I am trying to make up for that, every day! And I have to believe I can make up for that, because if I can't, then my mother wins, and I'm just as bad as she is!"

Before Vee or Luz can speak Amity opens her determined eyes: "And I won't let her win! I won't let her abuse dictate who I am! I have to believe I am who I chose to be, every day! And as long as Willow is willing to let me make it up to her, I have to try!"

Luz and Vee both shrink, Luz staring: "But how can I make this better?" Vee adding: "To everyone!"

Amity squeezes both their hands, "By going back to the Boiling Isles and saving everyone! And we'll do it together!"

Vee stares, "Together?"

Amity nods, "Together! So don't give up, please. If not for yourselves, then for me! Please!"

A long silence follows.

"I'll try," Luz and Vee both say.

Amity smiles ruefully, "You'd better! You're both going to value yourselves or so help me!"

Luz and Vee laugh, "You sound like mama."

Amity nods, "Well, good, I could use a better role model after the one I started with!"

They both laugh again, and so does Amity. And their laughter is made so much more joyful by the tears behind it, and by them holding each other. Until Vee starts coughing.

"Titan, I'll get you a drink," Amity rushes out of bed before Vee can stop coughing enough to stop her.

And then it's just her and Luz, just like that night when Luz was asleep and Vee comforted her, and told her-

"Luz," Vee croaks.

Luz holds her closer, "Yeah manita?"

Vee frowns. She hesitates, "When, when I was-"

Amity rushes back, sitting down carefully and offering Vee the glass of water. She takes it, and it's indecently good, the cool bliss soothing her raw throat with every gulped mouthful! Amity's only taken off one shoe before Vee passes back the empty glass.

"Wow," Amity scoffs, "shall I get you another?"

Vee sheepishly nods, and Amity starts to stand.

"Wait!"

Amity stops.

Vee stares, then looks down, holding her own hands nervously.

Amity sits, reaches out, placing one hand on hers. "It's okay, you can tell me the other times tomorrow."

Vee breathes in, "It's not that, not just that."

Luz reaches round, holding her hands with Amity as she offers, "What is it manita?"

Vee frowns again. Why does that word hurt so much? "When, yesterday, when I talked with Luz, on the hilltop in the forest?"

"Yeah?" Luz and Amity offer.