To Put On An Act [bxb]

Chapter 36 - AND FOR A MOMENT, THERE IS PEACE

Alex was wide awake. He did, however, refuse to open his eyes. Part of him was still caught up in a wonderful dream in which Youngbin confessed his love to him and kissed him and became his boyfriend. A dream as realistic as he'd never had before.

The other part was up and awake, back in reality, knowing extremely well that this could never be the case. That there was no way some god in that divine circus that had decided to ruin Alex' life from the second he was born finally showed mercy and actually gave him something good in life.

So his eyes remained closed. He was alone, all alone in his own bed, because for anyone else to be there with him would've just been unrealistic.

But then he heard something shift next to him, then a sigh, then more movement, a blanket crinkling, fingers tapping on a phone. Holy shit. Holy fuck. Fuck fuck fuck shit fuck. Alex' eyes opened after all.

Youngbin laid next to him, his eyes still tired, a blanket pulled up to his chin with only his arms reaching out from under it to hold his phone. It wasn't real, was it? It was a fever dream. A hallucination. He was going insane. Or maybe he was in a coma. It couldn't be. There was no way the entire last night was real, had actually happened.

He could remember it clearly, the talks, the kisses, the silence between them when they'd gotten too tired, too exhausted, instead had decided to just fall asleep, together, together, arm in arm. But no matter how clear the memory was, it certainly didn't feel realistic.

"Bin?" Alex' voice sounded so croaky, he cleared his throat, and Youngbin's eyes shot up to him, instantly flashing him a warm smile.

"Morning."

"Oh my god." Alex exhaled, trying not to grin like an absolute fool, like the biggest idiot ever. Oh, but he was. Such a fool. A joke, even. The warmth and joy and genuine fucking happiness rushing through Alex' body were nothing but a damn joke.

"What?" Youngbin lowered his phone, chuckling. "You okay?"

Alex inhaled, held his breath for a second. He then nodded. Everything was fine. Every single thing was fine again, from one day to the other, everything was fucking okay. Youngbin was here. Youngbin was here. God, how could he not be okay?

"Alex? Anyone home?" Youngbin reached out his hand, tapped his finger against Alex' forehead with a grin. "Forgotten how to speak?"

"Kinda," Alex answered, finally exhaled. "It's just-"

"You're just so in love with me that it stops you from functioning."

"How'd you know?"

Youngbin smiled, and pulled Alex closer to kiss him. Oh, to kiss him. Youngbin could just do that, kiss him on the lips like that, like it was nothing, like it was the most normal thing in the world. It was fine like that. It was perfect. Everything suddenly was perfect.

"Doesn't it feel... weird to you?" Alex tucked a loose strand of hair behind Youngbin's ear. "How easy this is? Like, we're here now. Just like that. It's strange. It's too perfect."

"Was it easy, though? Is it perfect?" Youngbin now sat up, stretched out his arms as he rolled his head back. He still wore that hoodie, grey, way too big on him. Joy rushed through Alex' body once more. "I mean, it is perfect, but-" Youngbin bit his lower lip, thinking. Then he shrugged. "I suppose we can think about that when we're more awake. I'm not really."

Alex huffed, nodded as he sat up as well, watching Youngbin grab his phone again. It wasn't easy. Though he still felt like it should've been even harder. Like he shouldn't have forgiven Youngbin, like Youngbin shouldn't have just confessed to him like that, like there should've been another battle. There's been enough battles. Maybe Alex just wasn't used to getting the things he fought for.