To Put On An Act [bxb]

Chapter 9 - the monsters in the closet

content warning: homophobia

Youngbin finally pushed the door open.

"I'm home." No answer. The house was silent, felt empty. No smell of food, or sizzling in the kitchen, no steps running down the stairs towards him. Just one muffled sound from within the living room after a couple of seconds of silence.

Youngbin kicked off his shoes, then cautiously pushed against the living room door. The light inside was dimmed, but Youngbin could make out movement- his father, shuffling in his forest green seat, rubbing his eyes and accidentally knocking off his glasses.

"Ah. I knew I heard something-"

"Where's mom?"

"Oh-" Youngbin's father cleared his throat, perhaps a little too loud, then coughed. "She's out with Sohee."

Right. 'Girl's night', or: going to the gym together, once a month, on a Saturday evening for some reason. Youngbin had forgotten about that. He wasn't sure if that was a blessing or another reason for him to procrastinate on something he really couldn't keep to himself any longer.

"Right. I forgot. Okay."

"I, uh, haven't made dinner for the two of us yet, if that's why you're asking. I took a little nap."

"It's, uhm- Not really because of dinner." Alright. No more backtracking. Youngbin thought of Alex' encouraging smile, and it didn't help a lot. "I wanted to tell you something."

"What is it?"

"Well, I was going to tell you and mom. And Sohee. All of you."

His father stretched, then wiped off some imaginary dust from his lap as he was still trying to properly wake up from his nap. He adjusted his glasses, round ones like Youngbin's, with eyes behind them that were much narrower than his.

"You can tell me and I'll tell mom when she's back, okay?"

"I want to tell her myself."

"Then you can tell her tomorrow." The man raised his eyebrows, a concerned look on his face. "You look like you've got something on your mind. If something's bothering you, you can tell me now."

Youngbin inhaled, considering flight one last time. This was his last chance to pull back, to flee and lock himself in his room and text Alex that he's a coward and simply can't do it and would rather be homophobic towards himself forever.

But he stepped into the living room and closed the door behind him. He stared at the coffee table in front of him as he sat down on the couch right next to his fathers seat, observing its dusty glass surface as though he had never seen it before. There was no way he was going to look his father in the eye now.

"So- I told you I was seeing a friend from school, right?" Youngbin's heart began hammering against his chest. He was going to do it, no matter how much his body and mind begged him to not do it. But, if not now, then never.

"You did." Youngbin could tell that his father was holding back on making a joke about maybe doing drugs or committing crimes.

"It wasn't all that true? Not completely, it is a friend from school, but- Uhm-" Why was this so much harder? He was out to so many people at school. Why was telling one person so difficult now? Maybe because he actually had to say it himself. At school, all he had to do was to let Alex do the real work while he was silently smiling and holding his hand.