Window to freedom °•Minsung•°

35)

Jisung held Minho way less enthusiastically that day.

His lips were on his neck but the only thing he felt was dread.

Was it really like his friends had said? Did Minho really not care about him, just about his body?

"Well after all..." he thought, as he nibbled on Minho's neck lazily:
"The first time he showed attraction to me he wanted to take me home. And the first time we even did something it was sex... even tho that was mostly my fault...He still could've stopped me thought..."

And even now, weren't they mostly giving in to sexual urges? The constant making out, going to Min's almost every afternoon to, well...

Suddenly Jisung wasn't feeling this anymore. He pushed Min slightly away and met his eyes.

"What's wrong?" Minho asked, sounding worried.

But was he really worried? Jisung scanned his features. Did he really care?

"What do you feel for me, Min?" he asked, slowly.

Minho's expression faltered and instantly he moved slightly away from Jisung, interrupting eye contact.

Jisung felt a tearing at his heart.

"I-" Minho started.

Their eyes met again. Jisung tried to stay strong but he could feel a quivering in his lower lip, the need to cry so close it was ready to explode...

"I love you" he said simply.

Tears broke through and Jisung pulled him into a hug, wetting his shoulder but he didn't care.

Minho loved him. Minho loved him.

"I love you too" he sobbed, relieved so relieved but...

In a few minutes Jisung managed to stop crying. At that, he pushed Min away once again.

"You love me but...aren't you married?" he said, contrasting the tremble in his voice with a hard expression, faking confidence.

"Huh??" Minho's confusion sent him into a panic.

"Yeah!" he exclaimed:
"I saw the contact in your phone! <<Wife>>! You have a wife!"

"What...? You saw my contacts? Jisung- wh- No, this is all wrong. Give me a minute" Minho detatched himself from him complitely and started pacing in the lab room, head in his hands.

"I'm not married" he said.

"Then what was that contact!?" Jisung scoffed, now irritated.

"I'm not married yet. " Minho specified, still pacing, still refusing to look at him.

"What does that mean?"

"It means I'm going to get married soon. In a few months to be exact."

Jisung swallowed his heartbreak, anger building up inside him:
"So you were using me."

"I wasn't."

"You weren't!? Of course you were! I'm just your weekly gay sex because you don't have the courage to commit to it complitely!" he hissed.

"I don't love her, Jisung" Minho sighed, tears now streaming down his own face:
"And she loves me so much... I just...I've been meaning to call everything off for months but just the thought of hurting her this much, my best friend ...I couldn't do it. I've been a coward, a liar, I understand if you hate me. But...I only just realised I like men and then I had to come to the realisation that I don't like women and therefore...I don't like her. It was all so sudden..."

Minho stopped a second to wipe the tears away from his cheeks:

"This has been hard on me, Ji don't you understand?"

"You could've talked to me! We could've figured it out togheter!" Jisung half-screamed, frustration taking over him.

"I didn't think you knew! Infact, I thought you'd leave!" Minho retorted.

"Maybe I should've"

Minho's eyes widened and Jisung saw the life drain out of him in front of his eyes.

"Jisung, no..." he choked out:
"I love you I swear, don't..."

"You've deceived me before...why should I trust you?"

"I can't even say it to her... It's been months and I can't say it..." Minho cried:
"But with you...it came so natural. Everything does. I want to be with you, Jisung please...give me a day. A day and I'll fix everything, please..."

Minho took his hand and Jisung met his eyes, his resolve trembling for the first time. He looked destroyed. Tears cutting his cheeks like he had never wiped them, sobs shaking his body...his eyes were red and pleading... Jisung sighed.

"One day to prove to me that you don't want to use me. One day to prove that you want to be with me and not with her. Or you can crawl back to that heteronormative relationship for all I care"

Then he shoved his hand away and walked out, finally giving in to his own cries.

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