SWD#1: Voiceless Feelings

9

||| Chapter 9 |||

I don't like the idea of being treated nicely because someone needs you. I don't want to receive that kind of treatment. They are good at you because they are in favor.

I don't like people using me for anything. I don't want to be an option. Lalapitan ka kasi may kailangan. I'm tired of that, honestly. I observe a lot of people around me. I can tell that no one likes to be friends with me in a genuine way.

No one tries to approach me when I'm alone. No one tried to talk casually to me because I'm mute. No one tried to sit next to me. No one tried to help me when I was passing by them and holding a lot of things. My existence, I think, is not enough to notice. No one sees me as an ordinary girl.

How tiring it is. How boring my life is! How sad to feel empty inside. I'm pathetic. I have no special someone who cares, just like Ate Sav; she has Kuya Annex. Talunan nga ako. I have a lot of insecurities. I envy Ate Sav; she's almost perfect. I envy a lot of ordinary girls. How they act and speak fluently and vocally. While I had a curse, I couldn't utter a single word. I couldn't express myself. 

I hate to admit it, but the truth is, I couldn't control myself from comparing myself to Kyline Samantha. Compared to her, I'm nothing. I'm jealous; everyone admires everything about her. I'm dying of jealousy seeing Taegan with her. Smiling and talking like they're a perfect couple. How envying!

Tatalikod na dapat ako para maiwasan na makasalubong sila sa corridor. But the familiar voice called my name. I froze on my spot. I hate this feeling inside me. My heart is beating again like an idiot. How come? Tinawag lang sacond name mo nagwawala ka na naman?

"Francine!"

Look at Taegan walking in my direction; beside him is Kyline. She is smiling brightly. Her long, wavy brown hair is very eye-catching. Ang tangkad niya na parang gustong pantayan ang tangkad ni Taegan. She also has a nice Coca-Cola body.

"Francine, si Kyline gusto ka daw niya makilala, and Kyline siya ang sinasabi ko sa 'yo."

"Hi, nice to meet you, Francine. I'm Kyline, but you can call me Ky." Hindi na ako nagulat nang mag sign language din siya.

"Raven told me that you have hearing loss just like Kuya. So, I'm curious about you, then finally I met you." 

Mabilis kong tinanggal ang brasong biglang umakbay sa balikat ko. Si Taegan. Kyline laugh hard when she see that.

"Oh, I thought you're close with her?" Tinawanan niya si Taegan.

"Close na kami. Mahiyain lang talaga 'to."

Muling tumingin sa 'kin si Kyline. Ngumiti na naman siya.

"By the way, ang ganda ng drawing mo. I like it! Sa tingin ko magkakasundo kayo ni Kython. Mahilig din si kuya mag draw and magpaint."

"Sus, 'wag mo ibenta sa kuya mo. 'Di sila bagay."

"Huh? Why not?"

"Parehong nonchalant." Bigla itong natawa sa sariling sinabi. Hinampas siya ni Kyline sa balikat. "Totoo naman, ah? Ang boring ng relasyon nila kapag nagkatuluyan."

"Ang sama mo, Rav."

I know it's kind of rude, but I can't stay anymore. Without saying goodbye, I turn my back on them. Eventually, they stop talking. I continue walking, not minding their call. He said I'm deaf? Ok, fine, I'll act as one. I ignore their calling as if I can't hear anything. The next thing I know, Taegan is in front of me. Blocking my way.

Salubong na ang makapal niyang kilay. Nabura na rin ang pilyong ngisi sa labi niya. Nagtatanong ang mga mata niya dahil sa inaakto ko. Tinitigan ko lang ang leeg niya dahil hindi ko kayang makipagtitigan sa kaniya. Nitong mga nagdaang araw madalas niya akong lapitan. Lagi niya akong kinukulit about sa pinapaguhit niya. At kahapon nga lang ay ibinigay ko na sa kaniya ang matagal na niyang hinihintay.