Save each other // Joel Miller

Distance

The night rolled by like cold molasses. Sophie's eyes burned from straining at the same spot on the ceiling of her old bedroom. She couldn't bring herself to go to the room her and Joel shared as they discovered their love for each other. Not because she missed him, but because of what she now knew.

Joel had been a violent man, he had told her as much. Sprinkling little details along their conversations as a way of opening up to her. And she knew he had enemies, enough so to track him down and try to kill him. But... this? This was overwhelming.

Innocent doctors and nurses. Mothers and fathers. Wives, husbands, and partners. Whether they were someone to somebody was almost irrelevant as she thought about how they were just at the wrong place at the wrong time.

"He killed them all... for me." Ellie had finished her story. The silence was deafening. Ellie would flicker her gaze to Sophie's still face before resuming a glance down to the floor.

"Your life, for theirs." Sophie finally muttered, speaking more so outloud then to anyone in particular. Ellie shook her head yes with a sorrowful expression.

Sophie's mouth felt dry, clamped shut once again from the shock of it all.

"I thought I could never forgive him. Or myself. I thought he had taken a choice from me that was never even mine to make. I blamed him for their suffering, my suffering. And he shouldered all that. It wasn't until you saved him that night that I realized how ridiculous I had been. To take it out on someone who made such a terrible sacrifice to save me, even if it meant..." Ellie couldn't finish her sentence, seemingly getting caught in her ragged breath.

"Ultimately dooming the world?" Sophie softly answered. No judgment or emotion, just finishing for fact. Ellie again nodded, pressing her hands against her face, covering her eyes.

"We... we don't know." Sophie began mumbling out.

Ellie's hands dropped, revealing her crinkled brow and confused expression.

"We don't know if they would have solved anything besides killing the only immune child in existence, as far as we know! People... people kill others for any reason nowadays and you..." Sophie took a minute to collect herself before ripping through more excuses and words.

"We just don't know if it would have solved anything." She stated simply.

"And we will never know. That's why that clicker got to me. Because watching it kill that horse, was like seeing an unfinished project. I could have been the reason those things would be extinct." She mustered.

"No. Ellie, you could have been the reason we would have a vaccine, not a cure. It would have helped prevent but those things would still be waiting in corners and basements. Waiting to tear anything it finds limb from limb, whether you were immune or not."

Ellie sat on this information for a second, looking between her open palms and Sophie. Sophie swallowed, hoping that she could help ease the bubbling anxiety that Ellie was displaying, even if she wasn't sure of what she was saying herself.

The light streaming in from the rising sun cascaded her bed, slowly crawling its way over her legs and body. Sophie's limbs felt heavy, not helping her want to just lay in bed until someone burst into the room and announced the baby was coming.

She just wanted everything to be back to the way it was before. She wanted to miss Joel with a passion and crave his touch, she wanted to be excited about bringing Dina and Ellie home with the new little addition. More than anything, she wanted to gain back her security. The solid feeling of belonging. Something that felt out of reach.

Her thoughts rolled around her head without filter as she continued to look up at the ceiling. And she may have lost herself in that state if the front door didn't slam shut loudly, heavy boots cluncking from the hard wood floor.