Chapter 1

9 1 32
                                    

We begin our story from the detective agency, where one eager girl was waiting for her chance to deliver a love letter. It is still unclear to me how a girl like Jane managed to fall in love with Kunikida of all people, but maybe she had a thing for uptight men. If you asked her, she'd probably tell you that "He is so cool and hardworking."

She knocked on the door and, unsure whether to wait or not, opened it herself. She stood in front of the door, holding the white envelope near her chest. When a staff member walked up, she informed her that she had an appointment. With all smiles, the clerk informed her that she arrived at a perfect time and asked for her hot beverage preference. After the clerk left her to prepare her tea, Jane, smiling from ear to ear, peeked at Kunikida, who checked his watch before standing up. Jane's smile widened when the man walked up to her.

"Please, take a seat," he asked with his usual professional, distant tone. Jane happily complied. "What can I help you with today?"

"Nice to meet you, Kunikida. My name is Jane. I won't take up much of your time," she explained excitedly. "I only wanted to deliver this love letter to you."

Kunikida looked somewhat surprised. He hesitated before asking, "From whom?"

"From me," Jane was happy to answer.

Kunikida hesitated a bit again, but somehow managed to recover quicker than last time. "Have we met somewhere before?"

"We've never talked, but I was a witness for one of the incidents you resolved."

"Alright." He opened the envelope and peeked inside. Then he looked at Jane's encouraging face. He glanced at the letter once again and sighed as he mentally gave up.

"Would you like me to read it in front of you?"

Unbeknownst to Jane, quite a crowd silently gathered to bear witness to the big event, each in their own unsuspicious way. Dazai found it necessary to stare out at the window that was closest to the divided consultation area (although he would have paid money to see Kunikida's face). Yosano thought it necessary to water the plants near the door and the dividers. Tanizaki decided to check to make sure that the coat hanger wouldn't collapse onto the next visitor who tried to free themselves of their jacket. Kunikida was very well aware that he was being observed.

He read the letter with respectful seriousness, switching the pages with utmost gentleness. He did his best to not let his face show his true emotions, which were a combination of wanting the ground to swallow him up out of embarrassment and yell at everyone to respect his privacy. When he was done, he folded the papers and slowly pushed them back inside the envelope. He decided that he should at least relax his shoulders and smile to not upset his admirer any more than he had to.

"Thank you, Jane, for sharing your honest feelings. I am truly honored to have been noticed by such a kind woman like you."

Jane patiently waited for the final verdict. She was no genius, but even she could feel that a rejection was forthcoming.

"While I don't know you as a person," Kunikida continued, "I can tell just by reading your letter that you are the closest to resembling my idea of an ideal woman."

"You have criteria for your ideal woman?" Jane asked, her expression betraying her innocence.

"Yeah. They're all written in my notebook," he explained, revealing said notebook.

"Wow! I think that's a great idea! It helps you stay focused, I imagine."

Dazai's eyes widened. Yosano stopped watering the flowers. Tanizaki stood staring at the booth. Everyone was shocked that Jane did not care about Kunikida having strict criteria for women he'd date.

"But unfortunately," Kunikida returned to the main topic, "I cannot date you yet. It is also written in my notebook that I'll meet my ideal woman in six years."

Jane sat, maintaining her neutral smile. After some time, she finally managed to speak, "So it's a definite "no"? I have no chance since you don't plan to have a relationship for another six years?"

Kunikida confirmed her doubts.

"Very well then. I am sorry for wasting your time. Oh, no, please, keep it."

The bemused members of the audience quickly returned to their seats, some managing to excuse their absence by pretending to look for a document or pick up trash from the ground and throw it to the bin. Kunikida led Jane to the door and thanked her once again. Jane left without much of a fuss.

Kunikida serenely returned to his seat. No one dared to say anything since they knew he'd snap the moment somebody did. Dazai swiped the letter from Kunikida's desk and put some distance between him and Kunikida to read (and memorize) it.

That's also when Atsushi and Kyoka returned to the office.

"We're back!"

No one had finished processing the events to respond quickly enough.

"What's the matter?" Atsushi asked.

"Something's off," Kyoka confirmed.

Dazai was more than happy to fill them in. "So you see," he began joyfully, "a girl just came to confess her love to Kunikida, but he turned her down. Isn't that right, Kunikiiiida?"

Kunikida snapped, just as Dazai had hoped. "Dazaii! You pest! HAA? When did you get that letter?!?"

Dazai waved it in his hand and Kunikida went to hug Dazai's neck with his arms. Atsushi and Kyoka stepped aside.

"So what was she like?" Atsushi asked Tanizaki.

"They didn't really talk much. Kunikida just read the letter she had written."

Atsushi sweatdropped. "Talk about awkward."

Once Kunikida realized that he was falling behind on schedule due to Dazai, he let go and returned to his seat. But Dazai couldn't let go of the topic and started questioning Kunikida's decision, half out of concern and the other half to annoy him. "Are you sure? She does seem to match your ideal woman pretty well. How do you know you won't regret it in six years? You might die alone, you know."

Downstairs in the cafe, Jane had ordered a berry smoothie and was now sitting by the window slurping it occasionally, lost in thought. She mourned the loss of the idea of Kunikida, a Kunikida who would have at least taken her out on a date before making his decision. Jane was unsure whether they'd be a good match too, of course, but she couldn't shake the uncomfortable feeling caused by the fact that Kunikida was so opposed to dating. Although it wasn't personal, it stung like it was. It hurt so much that tears escaped her eyes.

"Hey, are you okay?" a man with a gentle voice asked. It was Dazai.

"Uhm, yeah," Jane replied, quickly wiping her tears before the man sat across from her. He seemed as comfortable as ever, not letting the fact that the girl in front of her had shed tears bother him.

"My name is Osamu Dazai. I'm also from the agency," he said with a carefree smile. "Nice to meet you."

Found (Bungo Stray Dogs)Where stories live. Discover now