DESOLATION

11

INEZ

I have been looking at this ceiling for quite long now. I am feeling dead, hollow, and maybe empty. I feel like something inside me died last night but I am unable to understand what it is that I lack now. A piece of me that is not there anymore. Last night was torture, pure torture. At some point last night, I lost consciousness because I could not endure any more of Lorcan's infliction of pain on me and my weak body.

I look towards the clock and notice it is eleven in the morning. I don't stay in bed until this long but, I just don't want to get up today. I just want to sleep. Sleep has become my companion. It is the only thing that takes me away from this world even if it is just for a short time.

My only relief is sleep. When I am sleeping, I am not sad, I am not angry, I am not lonely, I am nothing.

I try to sit up but groan loudly as I fall back because of the pain that spreads in my whole body. My whole body is in pain. Everything hurts. I will never be able to forget last night. It will be forever etched in my memory what can happen to me if I try to be brave in front of Lorcan.

Whenever I think of hurting Lorcan or hiding something from him again, the bitter memory of last night will appear in my mind. With great difficulty and wincing in pain, I finally sat up with my back against the headboard.

I remove the duvet and place my feet on the carpeted floor. It is too sore between my legs. I look down at my naked body and see only red and purple blemishes on my arms, breasts, stomach, thighs, and even inside of my things. The biggest angry purple mark is on the top of my left breast. I have to apply something to it.

I don't think I will even be able to stand up. Besides the pain, I am feeling very tired. I am feeling lightheaded. Angry tears fill up my eyes when I take a close look at my condition. He bathed me and took care of me after torturing me for hours. I don't understand what is the point of showing this care after doing what he did.

The glimpses of what he did are continuously flowing in my mind.

...

I continued to cry as he dragged me towards our room. The moment we entered inside, he threw me on the bed. I sat up immediately and looked at him fearfully. He went towards the door and locked it, making me more terrified. I knew no one could come to help me but him locking the door made me more terrified. His features were hard and his jaw was clenched. His eyes with a crazed look on his face made him look even more dangerous.

He took off his shirt and threw it somewhere in the room. He got on the bed and he was coming nearer like an angry wolf when I quickly backed away and jumped off the bed. I wanted to be away from him. I knew he would destroy me because of his anger today. I ran towards the door and the moment my hand touched the doorknob I felt a harsh grip on my arm which pulled me back. I screamed when my body collided with the strong body of Lorcan.

"Your actions are just increasing your punishment," Lorcan said madly with a chuckle. He again threw me on the bed and got on top of me.

I looked at him with my blurry vision and cried more when I noticed a dagger in his hand. I don't know when he got it there in his hand.

"HELP" I screamed at the top of my lungs but he just laughed in response. For a moment, he looked like a psycho.

"No one will come to help you, Inez. I am surprised that you have not understood by now that no one can save you from me," Lorcan taunted while glaring at me.

I continue to cry loudly. He brought the dagger near me and placed it on my lips making my breath hitch.

"Shh... Ní fuaim anois é mura bhfuil tú ag iarraidh orm m'ainm a shnoí ar do chorp álainn, a bhean álainn" His threat was enough to make me quiet. I for sure did not want his name on my body. (Shh... Not a sound now if you don't want me to carve my name on your beautiful body, my beautiful wife)