Red String {Sesshomaru Fanfic{18+}

Pain No More

Here's the first chapter......
Please enjoy......

Warning depictions of suicide in this chapter, a short depiction of it.
If it bothers you skip the short part of it.

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My chronic pain started right after I had my first child at sixteen, which was an accidental pregnancy, and I didn't want the child, so I put her up for adoption, me choosing to give her a better life than I could, me not wanting the child to live in utter poverty.
My pregnancy with that child awakened my neuropathy and my rheumatoid arthritis, because the little girl I had sucked everything from me, and I lost my teeth too, which can be common.
Working was impossible after I turned eighteen, I would be in so much pain in my feet, back, and hands to where it was so hard to even get out of bed, or walk, or sit.
My mother soon after I lost my apartment took me in; her helping me out, that is until I had to get a caretaker when I turned twenty-five, because my mother was herself becoming unable to take care of me, her body too suffering from the same ailments.
Both of us pain sufferers.
We both are in bed alot.
Both on disability benefits.
I was starting to be unable to stand it anymore; the pain, because my doctor has tried everything on me, so today I had written a suicide note to my mother, the depression and pain was indeed too much for me.
I was indeed crying heavily as I know this note will devastate my mother extremely, making her blame herself, her losing her baby she struggled with infertility to have.
Like my mother, I struggle with infertility; so when I got pregnant at sixteen it was rare it happened, and I didn't want that child to suffer like me, growing up poor, and no baby deserves that, hell I didn't.

Dear Mom;
I'm truly sorry for what I plan to do; but I truly cannot handle this excruciating pain and crippling depression, which comes with it, so I'm going to end it all, and I know losing me your miracle baby will be agony, however, know that I'll always be watching you, and know I truly love you, love you so much, you were the best Mom ever, and you were a queen to me.
I will never forget everything you did for me, even support me in giving up that baby up for adoption.
If that baby ever wants to reconnect; tell her I'm sorry for ending my suffering, and tell her I did truly love her, but I wanted what was best for her, so that she wouldn't end up in poverty like we were.

Forevermore with much love;
Your daughter Kara

I then set the note on my bed; me crying, and I had the chair set up, and the noose too upon my railing above my bed, and I step onto the chair, wrapping the noose around my neck, and I jumped off the chair, the noose tightening around my neck, it slowly suffocating me to death, and my mind soon stopped functioning, my heart stopped.

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I heard a beeping sound; a loud beeping sound, making my mind return to turning it's gears, and I slowly open my eyes, me blinking at seeing a bedroom I don't recognize, and I felt that my body no longer felt in excruciating pain in my feet, back, and hands, and I sit up, looking at my hands that used to be crooked at the middle of my fingers from rheumatoid arthritis was no longer that way, and I felt tears roll down my cheeks, and I silently cry where I sat in a bed that was so soft, and I couldn't quit feeling guilty I hung myself, that my Mom will find me in that position once she gets up to check on me, but somehow I'm alive, which is shocking to say the least.

After a good cry I had; I turn the alarm clock off by my bed, and I go to the bathroom I found across the hall, and I wash my face of my tears, and wipe my face with a fluffy towel, me looking at myself, I had silver dark blue eyes, spiky short wild black hair, big breasts under my black shirt, and I was a medium size in my body, and I wore black short shorts, that had white lines on them.
I put a hand upon my round right cheek, and I pinch it, which turned red, it hurting when I pinched it.
Me realizing this was actually reality!