Airborne Dreams

Airborne Dreams: Epilogue

Wala na.

Natapos na.

Napaka hina ko.

Sobrang hina ko.

Well, what I just did was good for me and VALID.

I have suffered for a long time with my mother's death. I live alone but she came.

Pagod na akong masilayan ang mga taong nahkakanda-walaan sa buhay ko.

Pagod na pagod na ako.

Hindi ko na kaya pa na may dumating pang muli at maging ganito ulit.

I feel like I don't deserve anyone to be in my life.

I feel like I don't deserve someone.

I feel like I don't deserve to be happy.

I feel like I  don't deserve... anything.

I lost my hope. I got tired. I got hopeless.

Who will be my escape if my escape will be gone?

My escape did her job successfully. But... but did I do my job as her best friend successfully too?

The answer is in your mind.

Right. The answer is NO.

I did not do my job as her best friend.

She didn't benefit me. I benefit her.

Well, hindi ko intensyon na gamitin siya.

It just... happened.

I'm sorry.

I'm sorry, naging mahina ako. I'm sorry dahil mahina pa rin ako. I'm sorry dahil ginawa ko ito. Kailangan ko kasi.

Yon na lang ang tangi kong magagawa.

Yon lang ang naisip ko.

***

Geal's POV:

"Mommy, ayoko nga!" Sigaw ko.

Pinipilit na naman nila ako magpa-check up. Ano bang mapapala namin doon? Magbabayad lang kami sa kasinungalingan.

I hate doctors!

"Geal, makinig ka naman." pagmamaka-awa sa akin ni mommy.

"Mommy, please."

Binigyan ko siya ng tingin at tinalikuran ko siya.

I wanna see Euncie right now!

Seeing her makes me feel better.

Sorry, mommy, for disrespecting you. I just really don't want to get checked up.

***

"Lungkot mo," sabi ni Euncie.

"Huh? Hindi ah," sabay tawa nang pilit.

Tumitig siya sa akin. Hays, kilala niya talaga ako.

"Tara, ice cream."

See.

Bago umuwi, nagpunta muna ako ng palengke. Bibili ako ng gamot.

Kaya ayoko pumunta sa doktor. Reresetahan lang naman nila ako ng gamot. Paulit-ulit lang kami magbabayad eh alam ko naman na kung anong gamot ang dapat bilhin. 

***

" Tomorrow is Sunday. Arat gala?" Aya ni Emerald.

" Basta libre mo, eh. Payag kami." tawa ko.

"Si Cicie lang lilibre ko. Ikaw, kaya mo na yan, malaki ka na."

Inismiran ko lang siya at inirapan. Sana all!