CIGARETTES AND TULIPS // jikook

3 - trapped

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jimin laid in bed, staring absently at the ceiling above him. the rain pattered gently against the window in the sloping roof above his bed. the dull, regular sound had a calming effect on him.

his room was small and tidy. the only sound came from the steady hum of the traffic outside his window, casting shadows on the city lights below.
everything was cozy and safe, and yet his heart was beating up to his neck right now.

this new customer, jungkook, had texted earlier during the lecture. it had been a few days since he'd been to the flower shop and asked for jimin's number, so he'd assumed he'd forgotten.

but then this text came and since then jimin has been so nervous that he could neither open it nor reply. and now it was three o'clock in the morning and he was still in this stupid state of shock as if he had to fight a fucking bear.

he felt like he would burst from the embarrassment as soon as he remembered the situation.

jungkook was handsome. He was calm. jimin felt so stupid for how he had reacted, for how nervous he had been.

"you idiot," jimin silently chided himself as he remembered how he had handed his number over to jungkook, his hand shaking nervously. he tossed and turned in bed, feeling his heart beating frantically.

"why did you even give him your number? you don't know anything about him. he probably just wants to mess with you."

despite his brain's efforts to rationalize away the incident, jimin couldn't shake the nervous feeling that had settled within him. each time he closed his eyes, he could see jungkook's face clearly, those expressive eyes, that soft frown.

he was so beautiful.

the way his pitch black hair framed his beautifully shaped face with the high cheek bones, his intense eyes and... jimin's heart tumbled again.

but no matter how beautiful the boy was, that was precisely why jimin felt so nervous.

he wasn't someone who was normally asked for his number. he was far too reserved and never went to parties. he didn't want to be seen and certainly didn't want to be approached.

but then it had happened, and by someone who looked like a damn model from vogue.

the fear that he was being fooled simply wouldn't leave him.

why would he want your number? don't be so naive and think that he really likes you.

the thoughts piled on top of each other, one followed the next and jimin ran his fingers through his hair in a desperate attempt to stop the panic attack.

he is not... him.

he is another man.

he not him, Jimin.

but no matter how many times he told himself that, whispered it to himself and tried to slow down his racing heart, it was too late.
he felt the panic rising, the tears welling up in his eyes.

stop it! go away!

the burning sensation of strong hands on his skin pushed him deeper into the mattress, the darkness began to spin before his eyes.

jimin stifled a sob and tried to control his ragged breathing as his imagination threatened to suck him in. everything was moving too fast, the noise in his ears too loud.

leave me alone! stop it!

he is the same, everyone is like that.