CIGARETTES AND TULIPS // jikook

33 - stuck with me

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when taehyung walked into the flower shop the next day, jimin felt like his heart might just combust on the spot. but then, before he even had time to think, taehyung wrapped him up in a tight, warm hug, letting his face sink into jimin's fluffy hair. it was like every worry, every fear, just melted away in taehyung's arms.

after a minute, jimin pulled back and grabbed taehyung's hands, squeezing them. 

"i'm so fucking sorry," he choked out, feeling tears start to swell up.

taehyung just gave him this soft smile, his eyes warm and understanding. 

"i know, hyung." he gave jimin's arm a reassuring squeeze. "you're forgiven, like, immediately. you just gotta spill the tea now. everything."

jimin snorted, letting out a little laugh through the leftover tears. "fine, but buckle up," he said as taehyung hopped up onto the counter with a grin, his legs swinging. jimin grabbed the mop to start swiping the floors and tried to collect his thoughts.

this was it. he was going to tell taehyung everything.

as he started moving the mop across the floor, he took a deep breath. 

"so... i guess i should've told you that i remember more of what happened with dean. it... it wasn't just the non consentual touches that i told you about. he basically full-on ra-" jimin's voice cracked, and he had to stop, the words getting tangled in his throat.

he couldn't say the word in front of taehyung. rape.

he couldn't say it.

he said it in front of dean but to say it in front of taehyung felt, weird. embarassing.

but his best friend understood.

taehyung's face dropped, his eyes wide with shock. "jimin," he whispered, sounding horrified and angry and heartbroken all at once.

"i... i just needed to get it off my chest and i met him. i finally told him everything, and then i blocked him. for good. no more dean." jimin looked down, pushing the mop back and forth, focusing on the repetitive motion. his heart was hammering against his rip cage, he didn't dare to look at taehyung.

"but, like, why did you even meet up with him in the first place?" taehyung asked, the concern and confusion obvious in his voice. "like...i don't get it, it doesn't make sense"

jimin sighed. "i don't know, tae. i really don't. it's hard to explain, but... i felt like i couldn't move on without closing that chapter, you know? but since i told him, i actually do feel lighter."

taehyung tilted his head, considering that. "well, i guess that makes sense. i just... i wish i could've been there. i knew something was off, but you always have this habit of pushing people away when you're hurting. i thought you'd tell me if you wanted me to know."

"i know," jimin murmured. "but it wasn't you, tae. i didn't want anyone seeing me like that."

taehyung reached out and gave jimin's arm a playful punch. "hyung, i would never hurt you, okay? you're my ride or die, my best friend. no judgment here. ever."

jimin felt the tears prickling again, but he tried to hold them back. "ugh, don't make me cry while i'm mopping the stupid floor, tae," he laughed, trying to shake off the wave of emotions.

taehyung grinned. "fine, fine. what else?" he nudged.

jimin swallowed, feeling his cheeks warm. "uh, so... this one is a bit hard"

he tried to find the word, searched for the right way to say it... but there was no right way to say it.

"i've been, like, hurting myself... kind of," he stuttered and began playing around with his fingers. "kind of, like,... self harm, i guess?"

silence. 

one second.

two seconds.

then taehyung's face softened, his brows furrowing. "oh hyung, i kinda noticed a few months ago." 

 jimin was shocked at that. "you noticed?"

"yeah and i tried to keep an eye on it. i didn't want to say anything because i knew you would push me out," he explained with a sigh and looked at his best friend. "but, like, i thought you stopped. you started again?"

jimin nodded, looking down. "yeah. i want to stop, really, i do. it's just... hard."

"i can't even imagine. you know it's not healthy, right?" taehyung said gently, his tone full of genuine concern. 

"oh my god, yes, i know," jimin said, laughing a little despite himself. "this is so embarrassing."

"hyung, don't be embarrassed," taehyung replied. "thanks for telling me. have you thought about seeing, like, a therapist? someone who's, you know know, actually trained for this stuff?"

jimin's face scrunched up. "i... i don't want to. i hate talking about myself. even this right now is kind of torture. but... i love you, so it's okay."

taehyung reached over and gave him a soft pat on the head. "i love you too, hyung. maybe we can find a therapist who's cool? like, one who gets your vibe."

jimin snorted, rearranging a few flowers on display to avoid that topic. "i can't believe i just admitted to all of that. it feels... surreal, honestly." 

"i'm proud of you," taehyung said softly.

there was a beat of silence, a kind of warmth and comfort filling the space between them, before taehyung raised an eyebrow, a teasing glint in his eye. 

"but speaking of... when are you gonna tell me what's up with you and your crush?"

jimin's face turned bright red. "okay, first of all, no, and second of all, maybe," he muttered, which only made taehyung cackle.

"spill. i want details," taehyung said, crossing his arms dramatically. jimin rolled his eyes, fighting a smile. 

"fine. we went on a walk, and i... kinda... told him i wanted to get to know him better. maybe i'm a little interested."

"oh my god, you confessed?" taehyung practically yelled, kicking his legs in excitement as he danced a bit on the counter. "you, park jimin, confessed? wait, did you hold his hand too?"

jimin covered his face, groaning. 

"shut up. it wasn't like that... exactly."

taehyung let out a laugh, jumping off the counter to do a happy little dance. "i can't believe it! my bestie is in love! this is the best day of my life!"

just then, jimin's mom appeared from the back, hands on her hips, looking mildly horrified. "taehyung, if you break one flower pot, one, i'm holding you responsible."

taehyung froze, looking like a guilty kid caught sneaking cookies. "sorry, mrs. park. i'll just... calm down." he held his hands up in surrender.

jimin snickered, and taehyung pulled him into another quick hug. 

"seriously, though," he whispered. "i'm proud of you. for everything. and i'll be here every step of the way. you're stuck with me."

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