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jimin woke up in matter of seconds with a raging heart. he sat up straight in his bed overwhelmed by his insanely fast heartbeat.
it had taken him two hours to fall asleep and now he woke up from a fucking nightmare. he felt his heart beating in his throat, sweat coating his hairline and the heat prickling under his skin.
fuck.
he tried to calm himself, slow his breathing out, but nothing worked.
he kept seeing faces, being reminded of people. his heart hurt. it felt like it was punching his chest from the inside, angry and scared.
jimin scrunched his eyebrows together, trying to not think about the things and people that make him feel this way.
why was he always feeling this panic when he needed to find rest?
why won't his body let him rest?
he felt like crying.
it's the most horrible feeling when you lose control over yourself. when everything feels to heavy.
suddenly the dark in his room felt scary, threatening. jimin turned his led lights on, his eyes still sleepy and scrunched together. he felt the corner of his eyes burning in tears of panic.
even after minutes of sitting in his bed, his heart didn't calm down nor feel better. instead, the panic was getting worse again.
he felt like punching something or screaming, anything to make his heart feel lighter but just sat there breathing and trying to keep his sanity.
why does everything feel so fucking wrong?
everything in my life feels fucking wrong.
he grabbed his phone, blinded by the screen light once he turned it on.
3 am. again.
he sighted and began scrolling mindlessly through instagram, trying to get his mind off things.
everything was okay, there are just things that he couldn't change, why couldn't his stupid head accept it?
there were things that had been hurting him for ages and still his stupid head couldn't let it go, no matter how hard he tried.
the voices would always come back when it was quiet and dark.
and he felt like he would die.
like his heart would explode.
like all of those things would crush him.
like he would die.
like he wanted to die.
maybe he wants to die.
fuck, look at the fucking phone.
just look at stupid stuff, calm the fuck down, jimin told himself while his heart rate was going crazy.
the panic was something that would always get him.
something he was ashamed of, because no one would ever understand. his mother was so strong and cool and did so many things at the same time
with confidence. tae was so strong and so confident, he wasn't scared of anything and always so full of life.
and then there he was... being scared of being alive.
fuck, most days jimin felt like he had to fight a bear in the forest from the moment he would wake up in the morning. his heart rate was up at all times, he felt like he would make a mistake at any given moment and everyone would find out what a fucking idiot he was.
he knew that he shouldn't care about what people did to him. they weren't in his life anymore and anyone nowadays moves on so easily anyways. why couldn't he?
YOU ARE READING
CIGARETTES AND TULIPS // jikook
Fanfictionjimin worked in a small flower shop in busan. one day, a mysterious boy named jungkook stepped into the store and their tragic lives would forever be intertwined. what had been once burried will be dug up. and love never dies a natural death. CIGAR...
