MASTERMIND | Jamie Tartt

THIRTY EIGHT: A(WAKE)NING CONFESSIONS

this is the second part of the funeral episode - make sure you've read 37 first!

Billie didn't really understand why they called the bit after a funeral a 'wake' when the person was going to sleep for eternity. It was one of life's many contradictions that she couldn't quite understand. She hadn't been to a funeral since she was fourteen, when her favourite grandmother died. It was a weird day, and it led her to question her opinion on mortality, she also ended up creating a playlist of songs she'd want played at her own funeral (naturally).

"Penny for them?" She turned to her right to see Ted stood beside her as her eyes remained trained on some family photos from Rebecca's childhood that were hung on the wall.

"I think that I think about death more than I should," Billie sighed, "Or rather, I wonder who'd be there when I die, like who'd be at my funeral."

"Oh, I'm sure you'd get a pretty good turn out," Ted smiled, "I know for sure there'd be one particular striker who'd be there, unless you know...he went first."

"No way," Billie shook her head, "I'd die first out of spite, not sure I could bear living in a world he's not in."

"We're not talking about Dani are we?" Ted sighed.

"No, Ted, we're not," Billie smiled, "How've you been? I was worried when you didn't show up to the team bus, sent you dozens of messages, apologies for that."

Since the revelation Ted had made at Wembley, Billie had made an extra effort to check in on the Coach. She'd often casually ask if he was alright, to which he'd simply reply with a chipper 'Ted-esque' response, because they were alike, and humour was their default response in those situations.

"It's alright, I appreciate you," Ted nodded, "I had another one of those...panic attacks."

"Are you alright?" Billie asked with genuine concern for his well being.

"Swings and roundabouts, ups and downs." Ted told her honestly.

"We're works in progress," Billie assured him, "And that's okay."

"Indeed we are," Ted nodded, "How have you been doing?"

"Better," Billie sighed honestly, "I understand myself a lot more than I did this time last year."

"That's good," Ted smiled fondly, only wanting the best for the young woman.

"And I think...for the first time since my relationship with Brad, I believe that I deserve the kind of love that feels like a Richard Curtis movie," Billie admitted, a small grin appearing on her lips.

"She's a darn miracle worker, isn't she?" Ted sighed, referring to the woman who had provided them both with solace and psychological support since she arrived in Richmond.

"It's like when you get your headphone wires all tangled up and she comes along and simply tells you how to untangle them," Billie explained, as Ted listened to her metaphor intently, "It feels complicated at first and then eventually it becomes second nature."

"You're hella good at these metaphors," Ted told her, because he thought she was a good person too, a good person who finally understood her place and the world and most importantly, believed that she deserved it too.

"I think I need to break it off with Sam," Rebecca told the three women who surrounded her as they stood in one of the many reception rooms of her childhood home.

"What?"

"Why?"

"It's not the age thing?" Sassy frowned.