MASTERMIND | Jamie Tartt

FIFTY SIX: INVISIBLE STRING

"Whistle! Bring it in!" Roy shouted as the team jogged back and forth.

"Alright, fellas, how y'all feeling?" Ted asked just as Bumbercatch threw up on the spot.

"Bumbercatch, did you just puke whole cheerios?" Ted asked in intrigue.

"Yes, Coach," He nodded, still leaning over, his hands resting on his thighs, "I like to eat my breakfast without chewing, to conserve my energy in case an impending class war breaks out."

"Yeah, no, makes sense, I get it," Ted and Roy nodded in understanding, "Alright, gentlemen, today we are gonna focus on versatility, in Total Football, you gotta constantly be asking yourself, 'what does this situation need from me right now?'"

"You know, do I need to drop back and replace Jan Maas on defence? Or should I attack like Jamie?" Ted asked as the boys continued to stretch, "Or do I lend Roy here a piece of gum because his breath smells like dookie?"

Roy smelt his breath with concern.

"Complete hypothetical, don't worry, you're fine," Ted assured him, "You gotta be able to jump in anywhere at any time, and the way to do that well is to understand and appreciate everyone's position and every position's function."

The boys nodded as a physical demonstration of their slow understanding of the idea.

"That's why we got our man, Beard replacing Will today as our kitman," Ted told the team, gesturing over to Beard as he stood alongside the drinks table, looking incredibly out of his depth, "And our very own Billie will be taking the place of Richmond's resident journalist, Trent Crimm."

Ted gestured to the pair who stood on the sidelines of the pitch, Trent with a camera in his hand, wearing the jacket from one of Billie's retro tracksuits. Billie had committed to her role completely, wearing an Elton John t-shirt with a pair of forest green wide leg trousers and a tweed blazer as she stood with Trent's notepad in hand. She had found time to jot down a couple of notes on things she thought he ought to include in the book; she wanted the world to see the boys she saw, beyond the football boots and brand deals.

"Yeah, so when we get out here and we scrimmage, y'all are gonna be swapping positions with someone else, yeah?" Ted told the team, "For example, Isaac, we're gonna move you up to forward, and Dani, we're gonna drop you back to defence, got it?"

"I'm gonna be Dani Rojas?" Isaac asked.

"That's right, Isaac," Ted nodded, "And Dani is gonna be you, make sense?"

"We're gonna fuck 'em up, bruv!" Dani huffed, doing his very best South London accent.

"Ay, Dios mios," Isaac dramatically signed a cross.

"Y'all don't have to do the voices," Ted told them, earning sighs of disappointment from the team, "Okay, alright, y'all can do the voices."

The boys cheered in delight.

"You go ahead, Roy, help 'em out here," Ted gestured for the coach to step forward, "Roy's gonna be handing out paper that's got someone's name on it, that's the name of the person you're gonna do the swaparoo with, everybody understand?"

"Yes, Coach," The boys nodded.

"Alright, good, Coach, did I miss anything?" Ted turned to his left.

"That's it, baby, let's go!" Will dressed as Coach Beard with a beard fashion out of brown tape exclaimed.

Billie observed the boys nodding in delight as they discovered who they'd be swapping places with as she stood beside the real Trent Crimm, "This whole observing and taking notes malarkey, it's fun, innit?"