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"When was the last time you saw her, your mother?" Dr Sharon asked as Billie sat on Jamie's bed, on a FaceTime call with the woman who was more than just her therapist, she was someone Billie considered a friend, someone to rely on.
"Until the other day, it's been years," Billie answered honestly, wrapped up in one of Jamie's hoodies while he remained downstairs with Nelson, respecting the unspoken need for privacy during a therapy session, "It's not the time that hurts, it's the audacity she has to come back into my life as though she did nothing wrong."
"And she's leaving your father?" Sharon asked, noting down some key points in her notepad.
"So she says," Billie huffed, "Wouldn't surprise me if she goes back to him eventually, for convenience more than anything else."
Dr Sharon had a reasonable understanding of Billie's childhood, it had a big effect on her approach to falling in love with Jamie. The two women had also spoken after Billie ran into her father at West Ham, allowing Billie to fill in the blanks for Dr Sharon.
"If the burden of your parents' actions is continuing to weigh heavy on you, there is something you could do," Dr Sharon replied, although knowing Billie the way she did, she knew she'd likely object to it.
"Hire a hitman?"
"Forgive them," Dr Sharon answered and Billie was quick to laugh humorlessly.
"Oh, you were actually being serious," Billie muttered, "Yeah, I'm not giving them that."
"They don't need to know that you've forgiven them, and I'm not saying you should forget," Dr Sharon told her, "Continuing to carry the weight of your childhood struggles is only going to weigh you down, and I would hate for it to hold you back from what it is you really want."
"I have everything that I want." Billie was quick to assure her.
"And a few years down the line, when you and Jamie are thinking of starting a family, how do you think it'll affect you if you're still holding onto this?" Dr Sharon asked, not that she wanted Billie to catastrophize, but to rather consider it food for thought.
Billie's mind wandered to ten years time, she and Jamie would be in their thirties and based on the average trajectory of a footballer's career, he'd be nearing the end of his. She wondered whether they'd have children by then, she'd like them to have children by then, to raise little humans that were half her and half Jamie, well that sounded pretty perfect.
