Behind Every Pages

Chapter Fourteen:

Lestari

Two days have passed since we moved into the mansion, and the familiar faces of our helpers and Alistair are still here, a comforting presence amidst the vastness of the place.

I was surprised to find that our old rooms had been completely renovated. It was too small for us now that we're older, so I'm pretty sure Daddy had been planning this move back for a while. But the reason?  I still don't know. He's always been so secretive about things, especially when it comes to our family.

Dad is always busy with the business, so I have a lot more freedom here. This mansion is huge compared to our old house. There's a circular driveway leading up to the grand entrance, a grand entrance that always felt a little intimidating to me. In the middle of the driveway is a fountain that I used to love watching from my bedroom window. The water always seemed to dance in the sunlight, and I'd spend hours lost in its hypnotic rhythm.

Behind the mansion is a vast garden filled with all kinds of flowers. It's full of memories with Mommy.  The scent of roses and jasmine still lingers in my mind, a bittersweet reminder of a time when our family was complete. Neither Luther nor I can bring ourselves to go there yet. We're not ready to face those memories, not yet.

I've told Ezra and my friends, Euradice, and Harper that we've moved back. They want to come see me right away, but I told them to wait until I'm done with everything. I'm still busy with my paperwork since I'm transferring to the university where Euradice goes. Utos iyon ni Daddy pero 'yon na ata ang utos na pinaka gusto ko sa lahat.

It's evening now, and I'm just reading a book I bought when Luther and I went to the mall. I've been at it for a while, and I'm learning so much with each page. The author's responses to the readers' questions are incredible. The way she weave words together, the depth of her understanding, it's breathtaking.  I even cried a little because I related to one of them.

The question was: What hurts more, losing a mother or losing a child?  It's a question that has haunted me ever since...

It's a question that cuts deep, isn't it? "What hurts more, losing a mother or losing a child?" I've thought about it a lot, and honestly, I don't think there's a simple answer.

Losing a mother is like losing a part of your foundation, a source of comfort and guidance. It can leave you feeling adrift, unsure of where to turn, like you lost a map, a compass. But losing a child... that's a different kind of pain. It's like a piece of your heart being ripped away, a future you envisioned shattered.

I've seen both sides of this coin, you know. I've seen the devastation of a mother losing her child, the way it can consume you, leaving you a shell of your former self.  And I've seen the quiet heartbreak of a child who feels abandoned by their mother. It's a different kind of pain, a silent ache that eats away at you.

I can't say which hurts more, as it's a personal question. But one thing is certain: the pain of loss, no matter how it happens, is a strong force. It can shape you, transform you, and leave a lasting mark.

To those who have lost a mother, know that her love lives on in your heart. The memories you hold dear, the lessons she taught you, the values she instilled in you—these are her legacy, and they will always be a part of you.  Allow yourself to grieve, to honor her memory, and to find solace in the love she gave you.

For those who have lost a child, know that your grief is valid and your pain is real. The world may not understand, but the love you had for your child and the dreams you had for their future remain. Allow yourself to mourn, cherish their life, and draw strength from the memories you shared.