Behind Every Pages

Chapter Twenty-two:

Ezra

I still haven't talked to Mr. Donatello and Amalia about the deal. I mentioned to Ross what we discussed before, he seemed a bit sad because of what Mr. Donatello was saying to him, but he said it doesn't matter because he doesn't really want to go abroad. He's already determined to stay in the Philippines.

"Syempre may girlfriend ka na," biro ko.

"Gago hindi, hindi ko pa girlfriend." tumawa kami pareho sa sagot niya.

"Pero bro, pag-isipan mong maigi. Sayang talaga iyan, alam kong hindi mo kayang makisama sa ganiyang mga tao pero sayang kasi talaga eh. Kung iniisip mo man ang mararamdaman ko, huwag kang mag-aalala sa akin. Susuportahan kita palagi, maayos naman trato nila sa'yo eh. Huwag mo akong alalahanin dahil okay ako dito sa bansa natin, mahirap man, pero okay lang ako." ngumiti siya at tinapik ang braso ko.

I just nodded. Mr. Donatello indeed treats me well, but I don't like his attitude towards other people. But as Ross said, this opportunity is really valuable. This is the key to my dream.

So when I received an email from Amalia that we would have a last meeting to know my decision, I agreed.

As I approached Mr. Donatello and Amalia at the mall, memories of our last meeting flooded my mind. The unpleasant words Mr. Donatello had said about my best friend still lingered, leaving a bitter taste in my mouth. Despite the lingering tension, I maintained a polite demeanor and greeted them with a reserved smile.

"It's been a while, Mr. Valera," Mr. Donatello acknowledged, extending his hand for a handshake.

"Nice to see you, Mr. David," I replied, reciprocating the handshake.

"Have a seat," Amalia gestured towards the nearby table, and we all took our seats.

Mr. Donatello cleared his throat, breaking the silence. "I'm glad you could make it, Mr. Valera. I wanted to discuss the writing opportunity we previously talked about."

I couldn't help but feel a sense of unease at the mention of the opportunity. The memories of our last encounter weighed heavily on my mind, but deep down, I knew this could be the break I had been waiting for in my writing career.

"I... I've been thinking a lot about our last conversation," I began, hesitantly. "The things you said about my best friend... It didn't sit well with me."

Mr. Donatello's expression softened, and he spoke with a reassuring tone, "I understand your concerns, Mr. Valera. I may have been too harsh in my words, and for that, I apologize. But I truly believe that this writing opportunity is worth considering. You have a talent that shouldn't go unnoticed, and I see great potential in you."

His words struck a chord within me, and I couldn't help but feel a glimmer of hope stirring in my heart. Despite the past disagreements, Mr. Donatello's conviction in my abilities was undeniable.

Amalia chimed in, her voice gentle yet firm, "Dad is right, Mr. Valera. This opportunity could be a turning point in your career. We believe in your talent and creativity, and we are confident that you can succeed in this role."

I mulled over their words, the doubts slowly dissipating as I considered the possibilities that lay ahead. The chance to showcase my writing on an international platform was a dream come true, and I couldn't let past grievances hold me back from seizing this opportunity.

After a thoughtful pause, I finally spoke, my voice filled with determination, "I... I agree. I'm ready to take on this challenge and embrace the opportunity to be an international writer."

As we finalized the deal and shook hands, I felt a newfound sense of purpose and excitement for the path that lay ahead. Despite the uncertainties of the past, I was ready to embrace the future and make the most of this invaluable opportunity.

After our meeting, I stayed at the cafe and ordered another coffee because of the mixed emotions I was feeling. My decision still weighed heavily on me because I know that my life will change significantly if I move to another country. I will start again on a small and challenging path towards my dream.

I glanced over as someone entered the coffee shop where I was passing the time. I felt breathless when I saw who entered.

"Lestari," I whispered.

My heart raced as I watched her place an order at the counter. She was wearing a yellow blouse and a long denim skirt. It seems like yellow is really her favorite color because she also had a yellow ribbon in her hair.

"Pretty, you're really pretty," I muttered, feeling weak in the presence of her beauty.

I felt embarrassed again to face her. I was annoyed at my cowardice when she was in front of me. While I used to eagerly want to see her before, now that I see her up close, I feel weak and lack the courage to even introduce myself.

After she placed her order, I felt nervous when she looked around and our eyes met. I felt like I was going to faint, but it seemed like she didn't recognize me because she just sat by the door and started using her phone.

I stared at her like a fool. I found myself smiling when she smiled at her phone. I noticed she had a paper bag from a bookstore. Did she buy a book? What book did she buy? What are her favorite books? Who is her favorite author?

I had so many questions in my mind that I was eager to ask her personally, but I lacked the courage. I really felt timid.

"Sir Astley?" I was startled when my name was called. It seemed like she didn't hear because she was still engrossed in her phone. I quickly approached and left, unable to bear staying there any longer. I glanced back inside where I could see her back through the glass wall.

"I'm sorry, I'll make it up to you," I sadly said and left for good.

I fixed my hair in front of the mirror. It was Monday, and it was Lestari's first day at our school. I planned to finally show up and introduce myself to her.

I parted my hair on the right side and smiled.
"Hi, I'm Ezonme, I finally met you, I've been waiting for you for so long," I cringed at what I said and how I looked. "Ano ka diyan, Andres Bonifacio?" I laughed at my realization.

I combed my hair again and split it in the middle.
"Hi, sorry if I only gathered the courage to introduce myself now. I'm Ezra, or Ezonme," I extended my hand. "Damn, I look like a nerd!" I irritatedly took off my glasses and looked back at the mirror. Wala naman akong pake sa hitsura ko noon pero bakit hirap na hirap ako ngayon?

I slumped on my bed and stared at the ceiling. I woke up early because I would spend a long time getting myself ready so that when I finally introduce myself, I wouldn't be embarrassed by how I looked.

"She's so beautiful, then here I am, Hotdog lang." I felt like crying when I thought about how beautiful she was. There's no one more beautiful than her. I felt down about my appearance.

I got up again and looked at myself in the mirror. "You're handsome, Bro," I mimicked Ross's voice.

During recess, I prepared my lines thoroughly. I memorized them all class. When I went out, I waited for a moment near the stairs to catch a glimpse of her. I bumped into some people, so I left quickly from there.

All third-year students had already left their building, but I didn't see Lestari coming down, or maybe I was just late?

Saan ka?

Nag-chat ako kay Ross dahil baka kasama na niya si Euradice at si Lestari.

Ross
Canteen na, ikaw?

Sabi na eh, agad akong naglakad papuntang canteen.

Ross
Sabay ka sa amin, may papakilala ako.

Napangiti ako dahil doon, baka si Lestari na iyon. First time, Ross. Natuwa ako sa ipapakilala mo.

Hintayin mo ko.

Ross
Ge labas ako canteen.

Minadali ko ang paglalakad at natanaw siya.

"Bro, lika may papakilala pala ako sa'yo," nakangising aniya at inakbayan ako.

"Who?" kunwari kong tanong.

"Basta, mas maganda kung siya magsasabi ng name niya," I stopped in my tracks when I saw Lestari lining up inside. It was that nervous feeling in my chest whenever I saw her. I lost my confidence again.

"I-is my appearance okay?" I asked self-consciously. He looked at me closely.

"Oo naman, excited ka atang makilala iyonh ipakikilala ko?" he chuckled. But my heart pounded even harder with nervousness.

"Sa susunod na lang, dito na ako," I didn't wait for his response and went to a corner of the canteen to sit. I took out the packed lunch I prepared for her. I felt like crying out of frustration with myself. Why am I afraid to face her! She won't judge me, right? So why?

She's so beautiful. Hindi kami bagay.

"Bro, tara. Doon ka na lang sa table namin." I was surprised when Ross appeared again. I bowed my head to hide my teary eyes and just focused on my food.

"No, I still have something to do," I raised my phone.

"Come on! Doon mo na lang gawin iyan," he pulled me, but I just withdrew my arm.

"No, I'll eat quickly, then leave. It's rude to leave immediately,"

"Hindi problema iyon sa kanila," I sighed, and he stopped. "Fine, I won't force you, but if you change your mind, just go there," he said and gave up. I just nodded and pretended to use my phone.

I felt like someone was watching me from afar, so I felt awkward chewing my food. I received a message from Lestari, and I felt a mix of emotions again.

I glanced at her and saw her smiling while listening to the conversation of the two people in front of her. I sighed at what was happening. Do I need to continue being a coward because all I can do is watch from afar?

I felt like they were behind me, and knowing Ross, he would probably talk to me. So even though I hadn't finished eating, I quickly packed up and stood up to leave the canteen.

I leaned against my locker in utter dismay.

"I hate you," I told myself.