Behind Every Pages

Chapter Thirty-seven:

Lestari

I never could have imagined the depth of love I now experience. To be cherished so completely, so sincerely, in such a unique way. That's how Ezra loves — with a passion that transcends even his own self-worth, as long as it is directed towards me.

It hurts so much because of how much I lack in return, he loves me so much but I can't reciprocate it fully. Yes, I love him, but it feels insufficient, like it's not enough. I feel like I fall short. I wasn't even there for him when he needed me. We need each other. Kailangan namin ang isa't isa.

"Ako na lang maglilinis doon," I responded to Ross and Euradice, who dropped by my place. They were debating over who should clean up since they were both swamped with their demanding jobs; Euradice as a lawyer and Ross at Ezra's company here in the Philippines.

He fills me with pride, even though he resides in another country and holds great fame, he still established a company here to support local writers aspiring to become renowned authors in our country.

"Huh? Huwag na hoy, isang taon ka nang naglilinis doon, nakakahiya naman. Ito kasi eh! Si Ross na bahala doon," napamaang naman si Ross.

"Okay lang, hindi naman mahirap linisin iyon, ako lang din naman ang nagkakalat doon eh," which is true, almost every week I go there to read, rest, sleep because it feels like he's there and I can rest with him.

"Doon ka na kaya tumira?" I was taken aback by what she said. Why would I live there? It's Ezra's house; he might get mad at me for being so shameless to live there. Besides, I have my own house.

"Oo nga? Tapos bibilhin na lang namin itong bahay mo para live-in na kami—" agad na hinampas ni Euradice ang braso ni Ross. "Ow!"

"Anong live-in ka diyan?"

I didn't listen to their argument anymore. Is it okay if I live there? Like just as a caretaker. The feeling in that house is different; it's so peaceful. I'd prefer going home there after work at my shop than staying here at my house; I feel more exhausted here.

"Dali na, hindi naman namin sasabihin. Mukhang hindi naman na uuwi ang isang iyon. Para sa amin na lang itong bahay," aniya at nakangisi pa. Si Euradice naman ay natahimik at namumula. Kinikilig pa nga.

"Four hundred thousand, original price, five hundred thousand. Presyong kaibigan," sabi ko at nilahad ang kamay ko. Pareho silang napasandal sa sofa. Nagtitigan kung sino ang makikipagkamay sa akin. Napangisi ako.

"One hundred? Presyong bestfriend?" alok ni Euradice. Natawa sila pareho. Umiling ako

"Two hundread? Presyong bestfriend ng ex mo," natawa sila at nag-apir pa. Napakagat ako sa labi dahil sa hindi makapaniwala sa sinabi niya. Gago talaga.

"Three hundread fifty." nagtinginan sila at sabay napabuntong-hininga.

"Bayan, ayaw talaga patalo. Deal." nag-shake hands kami.

After a week, I moved to Ezra's house without anyone knowing. But I will pay them even if they refuse because it feels like renting my ex's house.

It took me a while to decide which room to sleep in —  the guest room or Ezra's room — but I just chose the guest room.

I was so tired that I fell asleep immediately. Kinabukasan, ang gaan ng pakiramdam ko. I even found myself humming while making coffee. I headed straight to his office that I would also use as my office.

Feel at home ah?

I checked my emails while sipping my coffee. A sigh escaped me when I saw that a new stock of Ezonme's books would be delivered later.