Behind Every Pages

Chapter Thirty

Lestari

Bakit ang bilis bawiin sa akin ng kaligayahan ko? Bakit panandalian lang yung kaligayan ko? Bakit ang bigat agad ng kapalit?

I can't even begin to process the truth—the person who tore our family apart, the one I trusted more than anyone, is the very person who caused this pain. My heart feels like it's been ripped open, and the betrayal burns like a searing fire.

How could he make me happy by supporting me in everything when he's a traitor and the one who ruined my family?

At si Mommy, bakit hanggang ngayon hindi siya tumitigil? Matagal na ba silang nagkikita? Bakit ngayon lang siya nagpakita? O baka hindi niya naman talaga plano magpakita sa akin kaso nahuli ko lang sila? Ang suwerte ko pa pala dahil nahuli ko na ang totoong sumira sa pamilya namin.

Pero tangina, pinagsisisihan ko. Pinagsisihan kong nalaman ko pa. Pinagsisihan kong nahuli ko sila. Kung sana mas nahuli pa kami ng uwi ay wala akong makikita. I wouldn't have seen that it was Kuya Alistair.

I miss my Mom so much, I really want to see her but not like this. How could they do this to me?

"Love, kumain ka na," I snapped back to reality when Ezra held my hand. We were at the dining table, and I hadn't touched my food.

I've been here for two days, and I really don't want to go home. Ezra has already talked to Kuya Alistair because he's worried about me.

What right does he have to worry when what he's doing to me hurts even more?

Hindi ko binubuksan ang cellphone ko. Tulala lang ako sa bahay ni Ezra. Hindi ko man lang ma- appreciate ang pinaghirapang bahay ni Ezra. I've lost interest in everything.

"Love, everything will be okay... if you'll talk about it," he said nervously. I know he doesn't want to invalidate my feelings, but he's urging me to talk to Kuya Alistair to understand his reasons, but he's not asking me to forgive Kuya Alistair right away.

"H-hindi ko kaya," a tear escaped my eye. I can't bear to face Kuya Alistair, fearing the pain his words may bring. Despite everything, I try to hold back the overwhelming anger, remembering the times he was a caring father figure to me.

Ezra nodded in understanding. "Eat, you need it," he smiled, and I nodded silently. I felt a pang of shame as I observed Ezra's diligence in his work and household chores. Magulo man ang ang office niya ay hindi siya kailan man naging pabaya sa bahay niya, talagang nililinis niya ito. I felt inadequate, unable to help with even the simplest tasks like cleaning or washing the dishes. Saka ko lang mararamdaman ang pagsisisi kapag gabi na, kung saan nakikita ko kung gaano siya napapagod.

He would inform me when he had work to do in his office, and I would let him be, not wanting to burden him further. He took care of everything, even my meals, and the clothes I wore were his. I lacked the energy to do anything, feeling apologetic towards him. Every night, he would hear me cry, sacrificing his own rest to comfort me and listen to my problem. We've only just started our relationship, and this is how it's starting. I feel like such a failure as a girlfriend to him.

One night, I saw him hunched over his laptop, his brow furrowed in concentration, still on a call on the phone. This is how he is at work, I realized, a world I knew nothing about. It looked so tiring, so demanding. I've never experienced working yet, pero siya, nag-aaral na nagtatrabaho pa, siya lang rin ang bumubuhay sa sarili niya, it filled me with a strange mix of admiration and envy. He was so independent, so capable.

When he finally ended the call, rubbing his temples and letting out a sigh, I couldn't resist moving closer.  I wrapped my arms around him from behind, feeling the warmth of his body against mine. He was surprised, almost jumping in his seat, but then he relaxed, and a soft smile touched his lips.