Behind Every Pages

Chapter Thirty-four:

Ezra

I didn't even get to say goodbye to Lesty when I left their mansion. Since then, I haven't been able to leave the house.

It's incredibly difficult to get up, to pretend that everything is okay, now that all the painful memories have come flooding back, it feels like I've been killed by the unbearable pain.

Now that everything is clearer, how will I face Lesty? Can I still do it?

Now that I've thought about what Tita Yeshua said, it's clear to me why she doubted me, but if that's really the case, I feel the anger towards her father so strongly, how can I stop it? How can I manage to be normal again in front of the woman I love?

Natigil ako sa pag-iisip nang lumiwanag ang cellphone ko na hudyat na may notification ako, at tama nga dahil galing iyon sa email ni Amalia Donatello.

Napahilamos ako nang mukha nang makitang malapit na ang alis ko ayon sa kaniya. Nakahanda na raw ang lahat at tinatanong niya na lang kung ayos naba ang lahat ng papeles ko pati ang pasaporte ko.

Aalis nga pala ako.

But what about Lesty? Tears fell as I thought about it, I thought I could handle it, I thought she wouldn't be a hindrance to my dreams. Why now, am I having second thoughts?

I know she wants us to talk about this. I know we needed to talk about it long ago, but can you blame me for hesitating amidst my certainty because I will leave her, and I can't handle that, so I can't make a decision to discuss it because first of all, I don't know my decision yet.

But the woman I love. She's only just become happy now, she's only just become free, and I want to introduce her to the world she didn't know before, I want to be the one with her to discover the things that her father deprived her of. All I want now is to see her happy.

I couldn't leave her. My dreams, once so vibrant and clear, now paled in comparison to the overwhelming desire to make her happy.

But all my reasons to stay disappeared when I received a letter from her one day.

It's been two weeks since my conversation with her mother, and I haven't been able to go to school because of my problems.

Ezra,

I know you're about to leave. February two, right? One week from now. Gusto kong malaman mong susuportahan kita sa lahat ng gusto mong gawin, lalo na sa pangarap mo, so don't worry about me. I will always support

Chase your dreams, I am right behind you, supporting you.

Lestari.

The words were kind, supportive, but they lacked the warmth, the passion, the love that I needed. Was she trying to be strong, to hide her own pain?  Or was it a cruel facade, a mask hiding the truth that she was letting me go?

Ang dami kong rason para manatili pero hahayaan niya lang ako.

Ang sakit pa dahil bakit sa sulat niya lang sinabi ang sobrang importanteng desisyon, bakit hindi niya sabihin sa akin ng harapan. Something's wrong, right? I want her to tell me upfront, I want to see her, that she really will let me pursue my dream wholeheartedly and without any sadness or forced feelings.

Or maybe the truth is, I just want to see her, to tell her that I don't want to leave, that I'll stay by her side, even if it hurts so much. I know she loves her father, whether she's angry, or disappointed, I know she loves Logan Castellano that much.

And that's the painful part, I'll love her even though she loves the person who killed my beloved mother.

Napagdesisyunan kong pumunta agad sa kanila, hindi na puwedeng ganito na lang ako, umaandar ang oras at palapit na nang palapit ang takdang araw para umalis ako.

But as I approached their mansion, my heart sank.  The imposing gates were adorned with a single, stark sign: "For Sale."

My phone trembled in my hand as I dialed her number, my voice cracking with a desperation that mirrored the fear that gripped my soul.  "Please answer, baby," I whispered, tears blurring my vision.  "Don't do this."

But there was only silence.  Her phone went straight to voicemail, a cruel echo of the emptiness that had taken root in my heart.  I called everyone, anyone who might know, but my pleas were met with silence.