IN THE SHADOWS - (TNN - SIOBHAN/SARA/VARIOUS)

CHAPTER SEVEN

TRIGGER WARNING - This chapter does include details of domestic violence and Siobhan's relationship with Roger.

Siobhan placed her hand on her chest, desperately trying to catch her breath. She felt Sara's hand grab her wrist and although she knew the brunette wasn't trying to hurt her, all she wanted to do was run. Snatching her wrist away she bolted for the bathroom and locked herself in the closest stall. Several minutes passed by and gradually the chest shaking sobs subsided although tears still fell from her eyes. When she finally opened the stall door, she came face to face with Sara who was leaning against the sink. As soon as their eyes met she said "Siobhan I didn't mean to upset you, I'm so sorry." She moved forwards slightly before adding "it's not just what I said, is it? Why are you so upset? Please let me help you."

All Siobhan wanted to do was collapse into Sara's arms, with every intention of staying there forever. Instead, she narrowed her eyes and snapped "I don't need help from someone like you." Sara stepped back a little and asked "what do you mean, someone like me?" Anger was bubbling up within Siobhan's chest now and as she pointed at Sara she surprised herself by yelling "someone who has no idea who or what I am. You're so arrogant, you think you can charm your way into my life and I'm telling you, you can't. You know nothing about me."

Breathing heavily, she went to storm out of the bathroom but she stopped in her tracks when Sara grabbed her elbow. She turned back furiously just as the brunette said "why don't you tell me who you are then?" Siobhan looked into those big blue eyes, so full of hope and in that moment she wanted to destroy Sara's naivety - it was making her sick. She moved towards Sara, causing the brunette to push herself up against the sink once again. Siobhan placed her hands on the counter pinning Sara in place.

"You don't want someone like me, Sara. Everything about me is broken. Do you know what it's like, to have a man take everything from you? Your confidence, your dignity, your own body?" She glared at the brunette as she quietly responded "no, I don't." Initially, Siobhan's voice had been raised but as she continued she was losing her nerve. "I'm disgusting and I'm damaged and whatever you're seeing within me, it's not there." As she finished her sentence she choked on her words, realising that she'd never said any of this out loud, until now. As quickly as it had grown, her anger dissipated completely, immediately being replaced by a fresh wave of tears. Siobhan covered her face with her hands and as she did so she felt Sara wrap her arms around her body tightly.

Push her away.

Siobhan placed her head on Sara's shoulder and ran her hands behind the brunettes back. Sara wrapped one arm around Siobhan's waist and slowly raised her other arm, lightly stroking the blonds hair. Her voice was so soft as she whispered "nothing that man did to you was your fault, you're not broken or disgusting. You're the most beautiful woman I've ever seen."

Tell her to get off you.

As Siobhan cried, she felt the urge to tell Sara something that she'd never told anyone. She didn't know why and she desperately wanted to stop herself but she couldn't. As Sara rocked her gently, she said between sobs "he made me lose my baby."

Why did you tell her that?

Siobhan had never been sure that she wanted children, mostly she'd leant more towards no. She still felt that way, but when she'd found out that she was pregnant, she'd wondered if everything she'd been through had been worth it. Roger was so careless with her body and he'd obviously made a mistake, but the idea that an innocent life was now growing inside of her had been the only thing to push Siobhan to leave. So she'd tried to. Once they'd been together for a little while Roger had insisted that she exclusively see his private doctor, but she hadn't realised how friendly their relationship actually was. From the moment she'd seen that doctor, Roger had been fully aware that she was pregnant and he'd been anticipating her attempt to escape.

The night he'd attacked her, she'd genuinely thought that she was going to die. He'd left her alone on the bathroom floor as she'd lost the only thing that had given her hope and as she desperately tried to clean the blood from the tiles, she'd finally accepted that she was trapped, forever. That was the moment that his need for control had finally won completely, and he knew it.

She'd never told anyone, because she hadn't really accepted it herself - it was the one thing that she'd tried so desperately to block out completely. When she'd heard about Autumns miscarriage, it was the first time her heart had genuinely ached for another woman, although nobody would have been able to tell at the time.

Sara rubbed her back before saying "I'm so sorry. Siobhan, please let me care for you."

The two women stood together for a little while longer and as Siobhan's tears subsided, they slowly broke apart. At that moment a woman came into the bathroom, causing Sara to usher Siobhan outside and back into the bar. It was busier now and the lights had dimmed. They sat together in a nearby booth and as Siobhan looked around she asked "what's going on?" Sara looked over at the small dance floor that had been created by removing several tables and replied "it's a club night tonight. After ten, the restaurant turns into more of a dance club." She paused for several seconds before placing her hand on Siobhan's arm and saying "do you want to talk about what you just told me?"

Siobhan shook her head vigorously and whispered "I don't think I can talk anymore." Sara nodded "I understand that. It's ok to take as much time as you need. I'll always be here." Siobhan had been watching the spotlights but the sincerity in Sara's voice encouraged her to look back at those beautiful blue eyes. The brunette smiled and asked "do you like dancing Siobhan?"

Siobhan used to like dancing, before Roger had made her feel so ashamed of her body. He'd told her that the way that she danced made her look like a tart, and he didn't want her embarrassing him in front of his rich and important friends. She was so sick of his voice haunting her thoughts, so she shook it away before smiling back at Sara and answering "yes."