IN THE SHADOWS - (TNN - SIOBHAN/SARA/VARIOUS)

CHAPTER NINE

Siobhan was exhausted and she felt like she was fading faster than the music was. As Sara held her, she wondered what it would feel like to fall asleep safe and sound within her arms, night after night. It was all she wanted but she knew the moment that she and Sara parted ways, that it would be the last time.

It would be the last time the brunettes perfume would intoxicate her, a mixture of roses, raspberries and caramel. It would be the last time she'd feel the warmth of Sara's body, pressed against her own.

Sara would never hold her as she slept. She would never dance with Siobhan in the kitchen. Because Siobhan was losing her nerve and as much as she wished that she was, she wasn't brave. She never had been.

When they said goodbye Sara placed her hand lightly over Siobhan's heart before gently saying "I'll always be in here, as long as you let me in." Once Siobhan was home and ready for bed, she decided not to bother tucking Elizabeth into her little cat bed, opting instead to cuddle with her under the covers. She heard her phone ping and as she picked it up she saw at text from Sara. Just before she'd left the bar, the brunette had added her number to Siobhan's contacts list before sending a message to herself, so they had each other's numbers. Her smile had been so bright as she'd said "now you can call me whenever you need me." The text simply said "I'm so glad we saw each other tonight. I'm always here for you xxx."

Siobhan sighed before placing her phone face down on the beside table. Her heart was aching more than it ever had so she placed her head on the pillow, willing her dreams to take her pain away. As she slept, she dreamt of a beautiful life that she'd never live and when she woke up in the morning the first thing she did was cry.

Just a few hours later, Siobhan was sat at her desk and swiping through a dating app that she'd downloaded that morning. She'd already had some matches and when she received a message from a man called Steve, she checked his profile. He was handsome and he seemed articulate and friendly so she replied. He immediately told her that he preferred speaking in person - apparently it was much easier to find out if there was any chemistry that way. When he asked her on a date, she felt dread deep down in the pit of her stomach, but this wasn't really about him. She needed to prove that her connection with Sara was nothing more than her mind playing tricks on her. Siobhan had always been attracted to men, this whole thing was ridiculous.

"What are you doing?" Reece's voice startled her, causing her to drop her phone on the desk. He raised his eyebrows and asked "is that a dating app?" Siobhan snatched her phone and snapped "none of your business." She immediately felt guilty for speaking to Reece so rudely, he'd done so much for her. When he crouched down bedside her, she was surprised. He placed his hand on her arm and said "sorry, I know it's not my business. I just really don't want to see you get hurt, those apps are a magnet for some real pieces of work." Siobhan looked into his eyes and she was shocked at how genuinely worried he seemed. Reece always kept an eye on her and at times he fussed and fretted more than Marjorie did. She smiled and replied "I know you don't, I'm just trying it out." He nodded and stood up but before he returned to his desk he said "if you do go on a date with anyone, promise me that you'll tell me? I want to know who he is and where he's taking you, ok?" She simply nodded in response.

Later that evening, Siobhan did everything she could to boost her confidence. She wore her favourite dress and her prettiest heels. When Steve had suggested that they meet that night, she'd been surprised, but she didn't want to waste any time. Months of loneliness had scrambled her brain and she needed to get back to the woman she once was. A woman who absolutely did not kiss women.

No matter how beautiful they were.
No matter how soft their skin was.
No matter how fast they made Siobhan's heart race.

Siobhan didn't judge Mia and Charlotte for their relationship. Sometimes she wondered why she refused to afford herself that same luxury, but she'd push that thought away as soon as it popped into her brain. Sara had just been kind to her and she'd been confused, that was all.

Once again she'd broken a promise and she hadn't told Reece about her date, she felt embarrassed and she didn't want to worry him for no reason. Lately, Siobhan felt like the only emotions she really felt were loneliness and guilt.

Realising that she was ready to leave, Siobhan checked her phone and noticed that Steve had messaged her through the dating app. "I'm on my way to the restaurant now - I can't wait to meet you. I can only imagine that you're even more sexy in person 😉." Just as she was about to put her phone back into her bag, she received a text from Sara. She still hadn't replied to the brunettes previous text and she'd been intending to block her number, she just hadn't done it yet. "I'm working tonight and I'd love to see you. Please don't feel any pressure, but I'd really appreciate it if you could at least let me know that you're ok xxx."

A/N - who do you think Siobhan should go to? Is Reece right - is she going to get hurt if she meets Steve?