As Siobhan parked her car up, she felt her heart pounding so she closed her eyes and took in one huge breath. When Sara placed her hand gently on Siobhan's thigh the blond looked over at her girlfriend and simply said "I'm ready."
As they walked through the cemetery, Siobhan looked around at the hundreds of graves and wondered what kind of lives these people had lead. Had they been happy? Some graves were sparkling clean and adorned with fresh flowers. Some graves were dirty and bare, long since neglected and totally forgotten.
They'd reached their destination. Siobhan looked down at the simple grey headstone and as she read the name 'Roger Knight' imprinted in plain gold lettering, she held her breath for several seconds. This was the first and last time that she would visit his grave. She felt Sara squeeze her hand reassuringly before she quietly asked "do you want some time alone? I can go for a little walk." Siobhan thought for a moment before replying "yes please. I just need ten minutes." Sara let go of her hand before kissing her cheek lightly. As she walked away she ran her hand gently over Siobhan's back and whispered "call me if you need me baby."
Siobhan decided to sit down on the ground, so she placed the flowers that she'd brought next to her on the grass. She still wasn't sure if she wanted to leave the flowers on his grave or not. For a couple of minutes she sat listening to the birds in the trees, reminiscing about her life before she'd even met Roger. Soon enough, his face entered her thoughts and as she relieved their torturous relationship she felt her heart aching. Every cruel word, every bruise he'd caused, every moment of stolen dignity, it all flashed through her mind.
Her baby.
Every choice she'd had ripped away from her.
Momentarily, Siobhan turned her head hoping to spot Sara, she just wanted to see her for a second and feel some semblance of comfort. The brunette had already wandered over to the section with the oldest headstones. Siobhan watched as Sara read each name with interest and when the brunette leant down to brush the moss away to see better, it made Siobhan smile. Sara's heart was so overflowing with love and her lust for life had finally taken over Siobhan's heart too.
Turning back to face Roger's headstone, Siobhan said quietly "you told me that nobody would love me. She loves me." She paused as one solitary tear escaped before continuing "I forgive you. I wish you could have been happy too, happy people don't treat people the way that you treated me." Suddenly, the weight of her trauma slammed down on top of her and she burst into chest shaking sobs. She cried for the person she'd always wished she was, then she cried for him. He could have been kind, but something twisted his heart and poisoned his soul.
Burying her face in her hands, she let her emotions flow freely. When she felt Sara's arms embracing her body gently, a profound sense of peace washed over her. The two women sat together in silence until Siobhan's breathing had returned to normal.
"I'm ready to go." Sara helped Siobhan to her feet immediately and wrapped her arms around the blonds waist. Resting her head on Siobhan's shoulder she said "I'm proud of you. Did it help?" Siobhan glanced at Roger's gravestone, before placing the tulip bouquet she'd brought down in front of it. Looking back at Sara, she smiled warmly and replied "yes, it did."
As the pair walked away, Siobhan turned back for one last look. Looking up at the sky, she hoped that Roger had somehow found peace. Siobhan didn't want to hold bitterness or hatred within her heart, if she allowed that, it would mean that he'd won.
For so many years, Siobhan had lived her life in the shadows. Ignoring her hearts true desires and refusing to accept the love that she deserved. Now, as she stood under the sun, she vowed never to return to that place.
The shadows were no longer where she belonged.
A/N - For anyone having a hard time, please remember, nothing lasts forever. One day, you will get back on track. I don't know when, but I do know that this isn't the end. You will find love, or that new job, or friends that love you. One day, that argument you just had with your friend, or the £10 you lost, or the time you slept in - none of it will matter. All that will matter is the love that you gave and the fact that you're trying your best.
❤️
YOU ARE READING
IN THE SHADOWS - (TNN - SIOBHAN/SARA/VARIOUS)
Fanfiction**COMPLETED** What's really hidden within Siobhan's heart? What's been lurking in the shadows this whole time? Can she open herself up and accept the love that she deserves? Can she learn to see the world differently?
