IN THE SHADOWS - (TNN - SIOBHAN/SARA/VARIOUS)

CHAPTER ONE

"I can't go on living this way,
But I can't go back the way I came,
Chained to this fear,
That I will never find a way to heal my soul"

My Heart Is Broken - Evanescence

Once Siobhan was all settled and sorted in her new home, for the first few days she felt relieved. She'd been staying with Marjorie while everything was being sorted and as much as she'd enjoyed their time together, she felt ready for some peace and quiet.

Gradually, her relief dissipated. Each morning she would wake and immediately a rush of loneliness would take her breath away. Mostly, she was able to distract herself with work - she'd never felt so glad that she'd said yes to being Reece's deputy manager. The evenings were the most difficult part of her day and as much as she tried to stop herself, she couldn't prevent her mind from bringing up torturous memories. So many people had told her to be proud of how far she'd come, but all she could think of was how much more she needed to work on. The life she'd lived so far had broken her heart and twisted her perspective on the world, but she didn't want to live like that anymore.

Siobhan knew that she could always call Marjorie or Reece. Recently, she'd noticed Charlotte hovering around her and trying to deepen their friendship. Sometimes it irritated her slightly, she knew it was because Charlotte felt sorry for her. Having friends and people who cared for her was still quite new to Siobhan and she wasn't always sure how to navigate these developing relationships.

One particular Wednesday evening as she watched the rain thrashing against her windows, she called Marjorie and asked if she wanted to go for a drink with her. The nursery manager told her that she couldn't tonight but she promised that she'd be free tomorrow. She made Siobhan promise that she wouldn't go to the bar by herself, advising the blond that drinking alone never did anybody any good. Siobhan agreed but as soon as she ended the call she rushed upstairs to choose an outfit. Lying to Marjorie had made her feel so guilty, so she pushed her false promise and Marjorie's words to the back of her mind.

It was still raining when the taxi arrived at the bar. The driver parked as close as he could to the door but Siobhan couldn't prevent her hair from getting a little wet as she ran inside. She rolled her eyes, knowing that the natural waves that she insisted on straightening would make an appearance as her hair dried.

Once she'd ordered her wine she surveyed the room and noticed how quiet it was. Her eyes focused on a particular booth and as they did so, she momentarily saw a ghost. She saw herself sat between Marjorie and Reece all those months ago, sobbing and hoping desperately that they could help her. The situation she'd found herself in with Roger still made her feel ashamed and although she knew it wasn't her fault, she couldn't help but feel weak and like a failure.

For a little while Siobhan sat by herself, lost in her thoughts. She didn't even notice at first when a woman came and stood in front of her on the other side of the bar.

"Do you know what you'd like?" Siobhan's eyes snapped upwards in shock. The waitress who'd served them on her birthday was looking at her and smiling. The blond remembered instantly that her name was Sara and for a moment she wondered why her mind had retained that information. For several seconds Siobhan stared at Sara before quietly asking "what?"

Sara tilted her head to the side and replied "a French Kiss."