𝚃𝚑𝚎 𝙰𝚛𝚛𝚊𝚗𝚐𝚎𝚖𝚎𝚗𝚝

The idea of me

• separation anxiety? read at your own risk

Sarah and I agreed on a public statement, but therefore it would also be best if we could include Scarlett.

It's about time I get back home and find a way of telling Scarlett about the things that once have been a part of my life, until I met her.

Pulling up in the driveway, all of the confidence and determination from earlier seems to leave my body. Only slow steps take my up to the front door, key spinning hesitantly in the hole as I unlock the door quietly. Maybe Scarlett wasn't even home right now. Maybe then she didn't see the article yet and I could tell her before them. Before the article does.

Fingers crossed I enter the kitchen, she ain't here, that's something. If anywhere, Scarlett would probably be in the- "Y/n?" There they go, my nerves. Her tone low, questioning, almost a threat already and she didn't even get started yet. I put a smile on my face and turn around cautiously, only to be met with a stare that I don't need any more words.

"You already saw the article?" I ask quietly, voice barely above a whisper. Damn the lump in my throat.

"And I'm sure you can explain?" The blonde asks right back, but her question definitely comes dry. Nothing that would tell she just is curious now. Scarlett folds her arms over her chest, staring right through me.

There's this stare, it might be smashing when Black Widow gives it, but getting that in real life? Ain't no way I'm gonna make it out alive.

I only manage a nod, confirming that I indeed could explain things, but my mouth runs dry.

"Is it not what it looks like or is it just normal to fuck your manager or, what is it?" Her voice trembles with disappointment, expression coming more upset now as I don't speak.

"Explain this to me Y/n. It's not like I'm not your wife. I am your wife Y/n! I thought that we had something beyond that stupid arrangement. Was it just me?" And there she goes, ranting out her breaking heart, tears welling in her eyes. But I? I just can shake my head, still frozen guilty in place. So much for getting a grip and being the one Scarlett deserves. Here it all goes, like it's only been the idea of me.

"I trusted you Y/n." She contuines, eyes throwing daggers at me, "I fucking trusted you with my kids! But bullshit. All you ever wanted was my fame! Are you happy now?"

Why is it so hard for me to speak? Why can't I act on the situation and at least try to fix it? Keep it from falling apart wholly? I literally didn't do anything wrong, not for the time being with Scarlett. And now? I let them tear me down again? There ain't no way.

I open my mouth finally, but close it again, nothing but a weak breath coming. Tears welling in my very own eyes now. Scarlett scoffs, arms seeming to tighten, crossed over her chest still. "Don't you start crying, now that you have everything you wanted. Go back fucking your manager, while living the famous life that I, only I, brought back to you."

And that's when my heart shatters. Maybe she's speaking out of her own hurt, from her own broken heart, but somewhere deep down even those words are truly meant. And there's no one else to blame, but I.

Where once I thought a woman like her would never even notice me, I now know she did. Scarlett saw me, all along. She saw my whole, she let me in and she really cared.

I care too. I see her. I see her for more than her fame. Her body. Or her pretty face. But right now? I wouldn't even believe myself that I do. Standing here like a deer in headlights, not even blinking to keep those tears from rolling down my cheeks.

"It is what it looks like, Scarlett. I should've told you long ago, even when it was over then already. There's no way I can just apologize for denying that part of my past relationships." I pause, hesitating as my own words sink in and I finally hear myself speak. Wherever the courage just came from, lord would I do anything to keep it rolling. But then meeting Scarlett's disappointment, the hurt in her eyes, makes it everything even harder again.

I swallow thickly, trying to get those tears down. "I know I'm the last one who should cry right now, because I hurt you, I betrayed your trust and I wasn't completely honest. But right now I could probably say anything, anything to make it right, to start this conversation again, all honest and open about my previous encounters and still my words wouldn't get to you. Which I don't blame you for, because you're hurting and I am the reason. So..."

I take a shaky breath and wipe my brow, before I could contuine with newly collected thoughts. "So here's me, maybe talking the last time ever to you, but I need you to know that everything, every promise I made, every word I said, I meant it. It was true, heartfelt and my reality. I just wish I could've been more honest and maybe then, only then, I could've had that future with you that I've been dreaming about before we even agreed to stay married. You felt like a real wife to me, ever since our friendship and relationship unfolded. Doubt my honesty about my past with Sarah, but there ain't no way I've been lying about how I feel for you."

Once my nervous ranting comes to an end, the hallway falls into silence. For me, it clearly is an awkward, choking silence. For Scarlett? Well, there's this thing to admire about her acting skills, the pokerface denies me any reading.

I rub the back of my neck and my gaze falls down to my feet as I mumble, "uhm I'm better leaving now. I'll just grab a few things."

Meeting her gaze once more, hoping to find her asking me to stay, but she's the one looking away from me now. My heart clenches, eyes burning, mouth dry. I wipe my tears and force myself past the woman of everyone's dreams, heading upstairs to get done grabbing a few clothes, phone charger and most importantly my notebook from the nightstand. If ever again, my next album's gonna be hell of a depressed ride... My life, without her is.