The sun brings me comfort

Chapter 5: More Than Enough

Hobi you can be happy you are an only child, I swear I had dibs on the last dumpling but the next moment I went back to eat the delicious small thing it was gone!" Taehyung pouted as Hobi laughed looking at how Jimin rolled his eyes before secretly pointing at himself.

Thankfully Taehyung was too busy to see the secret interaction of the two but Hobi couldn't help himself from wanting to coo at his younger friend. He was only 2 years older but he didn't feel the small age gap even if he sometimes felt even younger than them with the knowledge and the stories they had.

He thought of the words that Taehyung said and he couldn't help the small spark of jealousy wanting to know how it was to be surrounded by so many people who were family. It was a horrible feeling, the urge to want something unatainable and he felt guilty for wanting it knowing that the feeling only grew by day after he met his friends 7 nights ago. Since that day he couldn't stop the warm feeling from growing in his chest and the sadness entering the moment they left.

He even began speaking more and laughing with his new friends that were his new adopted younger brothers as they said the day he expressed his concerns on them coming over to him the whole time not wanting them to get in trouble but they just said they were really stealthy so they were safe and even if they were found out their brothers and parents would only ground them but it wouldn't stop them from coming to see him daily. Those words made fear rattle his lungs but he was assured their parents didn't punish harshly when he tried to get them to not get in trouble but after all the hours spent together he really could say he grew fond of the boys and was excited each time the sun set just the right amount for the twins to come visit him and he also saw they sometimes wore the same clothes that looked so different from their usual clothes but he just connected it with the 'school' place they went to.

They still didn't know he only stayed in one room for each second, minute, hour and day of his life but given they still haven't seen his full face yet he was glad they didn't push him for any information that he didn't want to share yet. He learned to trust them and they were his special secret, his only secret from his father but it was something he didn't want losing knowing his father would be angry and tell him they were bad.

They weren't, they weren't bad at all. It was actually the opposite and he had to push down the urge to want to spend more time with them wishing he could do the stuff they always talked about and wish he could join them or laugh and play with them seeing how they interacted outside.

He truly believed their family were good people and he wanted to -ached to- believe and trust that they would accept him and not push him away or want him dead. He would be broken to accept his father was right and he never wanted to prove him right with them.

He couldn't loose them...he couldn't be left in the lonely room forever again...

"Hey Hobi are you still with us?" He snapped out of his thoughts as he blinked rappidly before humming in response looking at them.

"Yeah, sorry I got a bit lost in my thoughts" he appologised sheepishly and Taehyung just laughed at him saying something along the lines of it reminding him of their youngest brother who did the same thing alot.

"It's okay Hobi, we just wanted to say we are going home now since we have been gone for too long and Eomma is going to check our books to see if we finished our homework when Jin-hyung tells her we played outside again today" Jimin gave him a sad smile and he felt his smile falter slightly but pushed back the feelings bubbling in his chest.

"Ah today went by so fast...it was nice to see you two though. Hope you finish your homework in time and hope to see you tomorrow" Taehyung and Jimin both greeted him with saying they would be back without a doubt again at the same time hopefully and they hoped he had a good night since it was going to be colder the next day and the night.

Jimin closed the window with a final wave and the second he saw them dissapear behind the window his smile fell and everything felt colder.

"I'm getting too greedy...I wish there was another way" He sighed as he rubbed his arms before he moved into the spot where the sunlight shone and closed his eyes. He couldn't wait for the day to pass for when they came back and he silently hoped the day wouldn't be so cold that they needed to leave earlier.

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It was so, so cold.

The whole room felt freezing as he curled up in a small ball waiting for the sun to rise and he counted off the seconds hoping and praying the sun wouldn't abandon him. It was only a day ago when the sun still peaked through in the early morning warming his favourite spot and bringing his two friends to come and visit him and now the weather switched up so fast.

His father didn't come to give his dinner the night before and with how cold it was he feared his father wouldn't come at all in the morning. He clutched his pained stomach that made it evident how hungry he was.

He pushed himself more to the wall and tried to hold back his emotions as he waited for the sun to come. He waited, waited, and waited but nothing came.

The sun didn't come....his father didn't come....

Hobi sat up against the wall swallowing the lump in his throat as he held tightly onto his knees looking at the door where his father would have walked in and sat his food down if he came but the only thing that was near the door was the empty dishes that he didn't come to take back.

He didn't know how late it was and for the first time on a cold day he felt dread fill his chest and squeeze as tightly as possible making hot liquid form behind his eyes burning his eyes and making his sight blurry.

It was the first time he was scared in a while, he was scared of what the clouds brought him now, he was scared that he would be alone again.

Wetness clinged onto his cheeks as tears rolled down from his eyes and he bit down on his cheek hoping he could force himself to believe the words repeating in his mind.

It was more than enough...he had more than enough...he was selfish

Selfish, selfish, selfish

His friends didn't need to come in the cold and they didn't need to see him every day especially not when he didn't deserve their kindness and when he really couldn't say he was unlucky to have all that was given to him.

Yet....

It was so lonely. Hobi couldn't stop the sobs filling the silence in the room mixing with the hollow sounds of wind entering the room from small holes under the door and making the loneliness hurt even more. He found out how it felt to not be lonely anymore but had be grown too comfortable now he wished to go outside, to be joined into the stories they loved telling, feel the sun from outside, be close to them and finally hug the boys who brought him happiness.

He wished he could be one of their brothers they adored and made fun of wishing he could join a family so warm and loving. He didn't hate his father but he wanted stories like theirs, he wanted to lovingly talk about the gentle care and hugs and everything.

It was more than enough wasn't it? He had his father and he understood he needed to hide....his father loved him right?

His sobs grew louder as everything felt heavier with his thoughts and it was like his joy was stolen by the darkness hiding the sun and taking away his friends from him.

He felt so lonely