The sun brings me comfort

Chapter 22: A Boy Named Hoseok

There was a strange thing about life he had learned through the weeks that had passed since he learned what living truly meant and what the world had in. The thing he learned was how even in the happiest times there was always a grey patch that would return on the most random moments or even during the night where he fought of the demon of his past.

The first thing he learned was what trauma was and that it was not something he needed to be ashamed off but he should be proud he stayed strong and escaped. He was assigned a therapist he would see twice week even when he left the hospital until it got better but it wasn't really bad except for when all the memories he always found okay or not that bad began to haunt him as a little voice in his mind whispered how it was never okay.

It was never okay that he had to spend nights without a single thing to eat or drink, it was never okay that he didn't have a warm bed where he could sleep during the nights, it was never okay that he had to be alone without medication when he was sick crying for comfort and being punished with less food when he made too much noise and it was never okay that his father layed a hand on him to harm him.

Those were hard things to accept but with time he felt more at ease to let himself express how he really felt and that was horrible. He felt like his life was ripped away from him the more he saw children younger than him playing with other children and running back to the love of their parents. It was horrible to learn that something so beautiful existed and he forced himself to accept that the attention he got was better than he could ever get.

It didn't feel fair but it wasn't really anger he felt but sadness and loneliness. He craved a family like them and the longer he stayed the more he felt like the next chapter of his life without any family would be hard and so lonely.

Yet....

There was someone or multiple someone's that made it clear his fear was nonsense and that he would never be alone again. Those people wore matching smiles and he couldn't describe the impact the Kim family had on his life. The more they visited the more he felt like he never wanted them to leave again.

The strange thing was how he grew close to the whole family and somehow along the way he stopped fearing the parents and started to wish they were his too. With each time Mrs Kim swept his hair away in a caring way before telling him that they would see him again the next day he felt himself crave the love of a mother from her. With Mr Kim it was harder to understand but when he did he couldn't help himself but wish he had him as a father instead, a man who never shouted at him and if he fell then Mr Kim never told him it was his fault, no he looked so sad if he got hurt and he gently blew on it before he treated it with bandages he had in his pocket with his reasoning being that he has very clumsy sons.

The boys were a different story since he bonded with then relatively fast learning how spesific bonds fit with them all. With the older ones he found a comforting and loving friendship with them and they didn't hesitate to treat him the same as the younger ones. With Namjoon he found that he always drifted to him and they also had a strong friendship even with their different personalities. The younger ones treated him like one of them even though they also treated him like their hyung and relying on them which made his heart fill with fondness.

It made him feel like he had a real family....

Those were the good days as Hobi liked to call them but it all changed in a matter of seconds the day he was told the Kim family would need to stay away for a week and it was probably the worst week of his life.

All the interesting and new things felt empty when he stared at the tiny TV where the cartoon was playing but he felt tears well up in his eyes. The nightmares only got worse with him being alone and the dreadful thought of being alone filled his mind far too much.