I hate you. || woosan ||

|| part 16 ||

!!TW: sa/sexual abuse!!

Wooyoung pov:

It is now Tuesday. I didn't go to any of my classes. I just stayed in my dorm room. I cried all day. I didn't even think about eating. All I could think about was San and seongwha's harsh words. Why didn't he let me explain? Why did he have to use my past against me?

My past. Ever since seongwha brought it up in our phone call it has been haunting me.

"Yeah? You like that? Fucking slut!" The first guy said as he harshly held my jaw and forced his dick down my throat. Not caring about the fact that I couldn't breathe and that it hurt so much. I tried to pull my head back, but I couldn't his grip was too strong and I was in too much pain.

While the first guy was forcing himself down my throat the second guy was roughly pumping his finger in and out of me. He also did not care about the intense pain I was in. Tears were rolling down my cheek. I wanted to scream for help. I wanted all of this to end, but it couldn't.

This which started as a fun experiment, turned into forced torture. They knew I couldn't say no to them, I knew the consequences. If I did, they would show all of the pictures and videos they took of me to the school. I trusted them and they betrayed me.

What seongwha said... I wasn't like them and San neither. Not even close. San isn't anything like those monsters.

While thinking about it, I started to cry again. This is why i shouldn't open up to people. They will always use it against me. No matter what I did I kept reminding myself of the past.

"Oh come on! Those two guys really were right. You're nothing but a fucking body! The only reason why I'm still with you is because you look good and let me fuck you however and whenever I want. So just shut the fuck up and don't embarrass me, okay! You're nothing but a body." Elijah said. I felt my heart break. Even though he was drunk, deep down I knew he meant it. I trusted him. He was the first person I opened up to. The first person I trusted. And this is how he treats me?

"Elijah, no please, you don't mean that-" I managed to choke out while crying.

"Yeah right, keep being delusional. I'm so fucking done with you."

Elijah, he was the first boyfriend I had that lasted for more than 4 months. My first longterm boyfriend. I loved him. I truly did. But he didn't feel the same. It was one-sided love and I was blind to that for one whole year. He didn't love me. He never did.

Im starting to think it is impossible for me to be loved by someone.

I just want to turn back time. I wish I didn't lie to seongwha and hongjoong. I wish I didn't open up to seongwha. Everything is ruined and it is my fault.

I just want to be in San's arms again. I want to tell him I am sorry. I want to tell him this is just a big misunderstanding, it was just bad timing. But I doubt he ever wants to speak to me again. And I understand that. I wouldn't forgive myself either.

The past few days without San made me realise how much I love him. I don't know if it's in a friendly way or if it's in a romantic way. But I love him. He was so kind and considerate towards me. He really improved himself just for me. He listened to me and he cared for me. Fuck, even now I still have his credit card because he trusted me with it. Because he didn't want me to pay for my own food while he was gone. He did all of that for me and this is how I thank him.