I hate you. || woosan ||

|| part 25 ||

San pov:

"San, don't you see I need you?!" He suddenly raised his voice. "I just- I want to feel loved! I want you! Please, San!"

My mind went blank. Did he just confess to me? Or is it just his messed up mind speaking right now?

Yet again I felt myself get angry, but I can't be mad at him. I can't express my anger towards him. That would be an evil thing to do. But I just can't help it. He was crying to me yesterday, asking me to take it slow. Only for him to attempt to and actually make out with me. Only for him to imply sex and make moves. Only for him to give me mixed signals.

I want do those things with him to, but I don't want to hurt him or cross his lines. And I know he can't do anything about the situation he is in. It is just an unfortunate series of events which led to this and nothing could've changed that. I don't know what is going on in his head, but I'm sure there is no 100% clear thought forming in there.

I felt my anger rising even more. Getting out of control. And I snapped.

"Fucking hell, Wooyoung! You better tell me what you want right now, because you are only making things harder for me!" I exclaimed. My voice getting louder than I expected. My fists were balled by my side as I raised my head to look at Wooyoung's dark, watery eyes.

He stood infront of me. Dead silent and motionless. His big, tear filled eyes staring right back at me as his lips quivered. Soft sobs came fr him. Filling the now silent room.

"Come on say it! Tell me! What do you want?!" I continued in the same manner.

"S-sannie-"

"Stop! Don't fucking call me that!" Tears were running down his cheeks again, gathering at his chin. He stayed silent. "I can't believe you."
I continued on a low voice as I pinched my nose bridge.

"W-what did I even do?!" The tone of his voice surprised me, but him talking back, acting stupid like that, only made me angrier.

"Don't act stupid! You're fucking playing with me!"

"I'm not! Please don't be mad at me, Sannie..." he cried as he stepped forward a swung his arms around me. He held on to me weakly. I could feel the coldness of his tears seeping through my blouse, making it stick to my body. "Please don't be mad..." he repeated. His tone softer and more hurt than before

"Tell me. Are you playing with me?" I asked. My voice not as loud as before, but still stern. Instead of an answer, wooyoung only started sobbing even harder, his fingers curling into my blouse.

"Is that a yes?" Again, no answer. Just sobbing.

I felt something. Something I never felt before. It felt like my insides were falling apart. I just wanted to cry, if I wasn't doing that already. My resolve crumbled as I freed myself from Wooyoung's hold.

"I-I need time." My words catching in my throat. Tears rolled down my cheeks as I turned to leave his room.

"No, San! You don't understand!"

"What is there to not understand?!" I bit back. I was shocked at my own tone.

"I just- I don't know what I want..." he said as he averted his gaze to the floor.

"Then tell me why you just said you wanted me?Don't you get how confusing this is for me?!" The longer we talked the worse it got.

"I said I don't know!" I fell silent. He never talked to me like that before, I had never seen him like this before. The sadness and anger in his eyes creating an indescribable expression. As I looked at him I understood.