Harry Potter Stories

Pain for Pain

Summary:

"You spent your childhood sheltering me from abuse. I spent my childhood shielding you from death. Now, we're even."

...

Sirius finds out Regulus took the Dark Mark and accuses him of horrific things. Regulus confesses that he only did it to protect Sirius.

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No one expects the most pivotal day of their life to come out of nowhere. Regulus is wholly unprepared for the fight of his life when he, Evan, and Barty lift their bags onto their shoulders and start walking to the doors of the Great Hall. They've been leaving dinner early so they have time to privately debrief about the latest meeting with their parents about their missions from the Dark Lord.

Regulus slows down near the Gryffindor table. He and Sirius have started to fix their relationship behind closed doors, but haven't made their reconciliation public due to their standings on wizarding politics. Regulus pretends not to notice Sirius when they are in public, but he'll subtly sign I love you if he can get away with it. He does so this time.

Nothing is out of the ordinary until Sirius' fingers close around Regulus' wrist and he's yanked to a halt. Regulus glances down and his heart stops. The edge of his sleeve slipped up as he signed to Sirius. He didn't glamour the Dark Mark.

Regulus' wrist trembles in Sirius' grasp. Sirius stares, devastated, at the Dark Mark barely poking out of his brother's sleeve. "Why, Reg? Why would you do this?"

Regulus gulps. This confrontation wasn't supposed to happen. It was an accident. Sirius was never meant to find out Regulus became a Death Eater. Regulus was supposed to protect Sirius from the shadows until Sirius graduated and could escape their family's grasp.

Regulus curses his skinny wrists. If only they were a little thicker his sleeve wouldn't have ridden up. He tries to extract his arm from Sirius. They are in the Great Hall. Too many people are around for this conversation.

Sirius doesn't let go. His lip curls in disgust. "I thought you were different. How can you buy into our parents' views? You know that blood supremacy is wrong. Merlin, I sacrificed my childhood to protect you from our family and this is how you repay me? By going against everything I stand for? By siding with the people who would kill me and my friends."

Anger and sorrow bubbles in Regulus' veins. How can Sirius still believe he would do this willingly? Is that what he truly thinks about Regulus? They've spent months rekindling their relationship and healing their trauma just for Sirius to ruin it with one sentence.

"How can you not see that I didn't have a choice?"

Sirius runs a hand through his perfectly styled curls. The tousled strands make him look eerily similar to Regulus. "There is always a choice! I left, didn't I? I got out."

Regulus can't hold back anymore. He's been trying not to reveal he's a Death Eater traitor in front of the entire school, but it burns Regulus up inside when Sirius pretends it would have been easy for Regulus to leave like he did. "And where did that leave me?" His words are whispered, but they silence the entire Great Hall.

Sirius' friends sit at the table behind him, slack-jawed. Everyone was gossiping about the fight, even the professors, but now they sit silent, waiting for Sirius' rebuttal. Not much is known about why and how Sirius was cast from the Noble and Most Ancient House of Black.

Sirius points a shaky finger at Regulus. "Don't start that shit with me. You didn't want to come with me. I gave you that choice."

"It wasn't a choice. Someone had to stay to protect you!"

"I have the Potters. They protect me!"

Regulus scoffs. "You're so stupid. Do you really think James Potter's reputation is what kept you alive these past six years? You're even dumber than I thought."

Sirius lets go of Regulus in shock. "What are you talking about?"

"Name one Slytherin who would be scared enough of Potter to not attack you for abandoning their cause - especially if their parents ordered them to hurt you. You know better than I do what abuse can do to a child's mind."

Sirius' mouth opens and closes. He's never thought about it before. He always assumed James and his parents were what kept him safe. "It can't have been you. You hated me."

"I never hated you, Siri. I idolized you. I despised hurting you by pulling away, but I did what I had to do to keep people away from you. I'm sorry I ruined our relationship, but I couldn't let people know I still loved you. I had to convince everyone, including our parents, that you didn't matter in the long run. If anyone thought we were still close and there was a chance you could sway me from our cause they would have killed you."

Pain bursts in Sirius' heart. This can't be true. Regulus can't have been protecting him for years. That is Sirius' job. "But you're practically the king of Slytherin. They all look up to you. You've always been vocal in your support of Voldemort."

"I'm not the king because I worship the ground the Dark Lord walks on. I'm the king because I needed the power it gave me. If I convinced everyone I was the Dark Lord's most loyal follower, they wouldn't question it when I said you weren't important. They would leave you alone."

Behind Sirius, James goes to stand and interject, but Remus pulls him back into the seat. This is a conversation the Black brothers need to have on their own. It isn't good that it's happening in front of the entire school, but it's long overdue. Remus slips his wand into his hand and points it at the Slytherin table, daring them to attack. James does the same to Regulus' Slytherin friends. Peter gapes at Regulus, disbelieving. Voldemort's number one follower just confessed to being a traitor. Shit will go down soon.

"You didn't have to do that. I can take care of myself."

"You spent your childhood sheltering me from abuse. I spent my childhood shielding you from death. Now, we're even."

"You could have asked for help. You didn't have to do this alone for so long."

"I could have asked Potter and his family to help me too, but if I left, nothing would stand between you and death. I couldn't do it. I'd rather throw my life away for a cause I don't believe in than gamble yours." Regulus smiles through his tears. He hasn't cried since he was a little kid.

Seeing Regulus break down makes Sirius lose the fight against his tears. They cascade down his face and soak the collar of his shirt. "You became a Death Eater for me, knowing you were throwing away your chance for freedom?" He caresses Regulus' face, wiping his tears away.

"I would do anything for you."

"Oh, Reg, you idiot." Sirius yanks Regulus into a bone-crushing hug. "How could you do this? I'm not worth it." He places one hand on the back of Regulus' head and runs his fingers comfortingly through his hair.

Regulus buries his face in Sirius' shoulder reveling in the feeling of safety his brother's arms bring. "You're worth more than me." He wraps one arm around Sirius' waist and the other around his bicep and clings to him like he's the only thing in the world.

"Never say that," Sirius demands. "You're worth everything. You're the best thing in my life."

"You're on the light side. You're going to be pivotal in the fight against the Dark Lord. I'm just a lowly Death Eater who's going to die for being a traitor," Regulus mumbles into Sirius' sweater, which is probably Remus'.

"No," Sirius says, emphatically. "That's not going to happen. I'll keep you safe and you'll help us end this war."

Regulus pulls away and looks into Sirius' eyes. "Do you promise? Am I finally safe?"

Sirius leans forward until his forehead connects with Regulus'. It's a gesture they did as children to comfort each other. "I promise, Reggie. You're not dying on my watch."

"Thank you," Regulus breathes, feeling at peace for the first time in years. 

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Words: 1,330

Published: 7/8/24

Also posted on AO3 (Jasper_Raid)