Feedback From Us (BYR)

𝐌𝐢𝐬𝐬𝐍𝐞𝐫𝐝𝐲𝐆𝐢𝐫𝐥20

Chained With Hades
by MissNerdyGirl20

COMMENTS

FANTASY CATEGORY
Judge Exrineance

— BOOK COVER: 4 / 5

Sir Henry slash Saku appears to be the man on the book cover. I commend the author for their effort as it is evident that this illustration is either digitally drawn or meticulously edited. The man possesses sly eyes and an arrogant smirk that are characteristic of villainous heroes.

— DESCRIPTION: 5 / 7

I noticed that Saku was featured on the cover, leading me to assume that the story would have a male-centric focus. While there were sections from his perspective, the story appeared to be more centered around Giovanni. This impression was reinforced by the synopsis, which began with lore, mentioned Saku, and concluded with 'she,' which I assumed referred to Giovanni.

— CHARACTERS: 21 / 23

I feel there may be a missing piece regarding the connections between these characters. It appears that they were all linked in some way in the "other world" prior to being summoned to Betrayal City. While I understand their current relationships, I am curious to learn more about their dynamics before. This is particularly intriguing considering Saku mentioned that he was weak prior to becoming Sir Henry.

— GRAMMATICAL/TYPOGRAPHICAL: 9 / 12

Perhaps the author is already aware of this, as the story has undergone revision before and still appears to be in Editing Mode. My suggestion would be to carefully re-read each chapter multiple times to catch any errors and make necessary corrections. Additionally, reading English novels could help in becoming more familiar with English grammar. This is the approach I take when doing my own homework to consistently enhance not just my English vocabulary but also my understanding of proper grammar.

— PLOT: 25 / 25

I must say this is truly enlightening for me. I've never come across a story that blends British and Greek history together. It immediately captivated my interest. The real question now is how the author will manage to strike the perfect balance between these two seemingly contrasting elements—the Victorian era and the Olympian gods.

— NARRATIVE: 18 / 20

The narrative holds a lot of potential. With some extra attention to detail and refinement, I believe it could greatly improve. I would love to see more descriptive elements added to allow for a more vivid and immersive experience, enhancing the magical aspects of the story.

— GENRE: 8 / 8

The distinctive nature of this story caught my attention. While it includes classic tropes, the author provided a fresh twist to the narrative. Unlike many stories centered around Greek gods or demigods, this one portrays a world summoning akin to a story about a supposed saintess to be the world's savior, only to reveal she is no saintess at all.

— OVERALL NOTE

Given the technical side of this competition, I felt compelled to maintain a high level of detail. However, setting aside those aspects, I must acknowledge that I thoroughly enjoyed Chained With Hades. The story took my emotions on a rollercoaster ride, leaving me deeply engaged throughout.

FEEDBACK

— What was my first impression as a reader?

Due to the title being "Chained with Hades" and my oversight of not reading the description beforehand, I initially assumed that the main character's name would be Hades and that the female lead would be somehow tied to him. I envisioned a scenario where she would be constrained by a contract or a similar agreement. It turns out my assumptions were mistaken. The actual story surpassed my expectations and offered a much richer narrative.

— Which character did I like out of everyone?

In my opinion, Giovanni/Minami made a lasting impression on me by not dwelling on things for too long. Once she processed what happened, she was able to devise a plan that worked out in her favor. I also admire how she sees Sir Henry/Saku differently from others. Despite being treated as the villain by everyone else, Giovanni still cares about him and even prefers for Saku not to be involved in the Game of Throne Greek Gods version.

— Which unexpected scene left me emotional?

Upon reaching the part where Saku confessed that he has transformed since meeting Minami, also known as Giovanni, my heart felt heavy. Many believed she needed to be sacrificed to calm the wrath of the gods. However, Saku was there, battling against them to safeguard Giovanni's destiny.

— Which part of the book did I like?

Through my continuous praises, it is evident that I became deeply enamored with the plot. Without giving anything away, I genuinely adore the conclusion. Each character received their just deserts... Moreover, the phrase "Ipaglalaban kita" was so captivating that it prompted me to muffle my excitement by biting into my pillow.

— What did I not like about the story?

I suggest to elaborate on the character's monologue by describing the power they possess. It would be beneficial to provide details on what the power looks like and how it is utilized. While explaining the powers is acceptable, let's focus on creatively describing them in a way that allows the readers to vividly imagine and truly experience the intensity of that power in the story.

— Advice

Since this is a fantasy story, it would be beneficial to incorporate more descriptive details about the powers instead of simply stating them. It would be helpful to elaborate on concepts such as absolute attack or motion manipulation by explaining their functionality, appearance, and effects. For example, providing vivid descriptions of what a ball of fire looks like or how an invisible offense manifests will enhance the storytelling. It might be more captivating to introduce these powers when the character actually uses them, allowing readers to experience their impact firsthand.

I was a bit confused about what exactly brought them to Betrayal City. The author mentioned words like 'reborn' and 'transported', but I feel like they have different meanings. For me, 'reborn' implies being born again after death. So, I'm not sure if Saki died and was reborn as Sir Henry, or if they were summoned from another world to Betrayal City.