There's Twice as Many Stars as Usual| L.S

47

Charlotte

I spent the last two weeks trying to text Logan, only getting short responses that seemed very disconnected. I chalked it up to him being busy, but honestly, I had no idea what he was doing, nor did I have the energy to check social media. The constant anxiety gnawed at me, and I tried to focus on my writing and other distractions, but nothing seemed to help.

Mick has been spending his time where he could be out enjoying time with the other drivers, instead trying to talk to me. I've been out of it, dealing with my mother's new "boyfriend" and the awkwardness that came with it. Spending time with them only made everything worse. It felt like my world was falling apart, and the one person I needed to lean on was drifting away.

It's now officially Singapore race day, and it's been three weeks since Logan and I have fully spoken. The silence between us has grown deafening, and the pit in my stomach only deepens as each day passes.

I spend my day waiting for a call from Mick, and it comes around 4 PM after he finishes up with all his duties with the team. Hearing his voice brings a small measure of comfort.

"Hey, Charlie," he says, his tone gentle. "How are you holding up?"

"Not great," I admit, my voice barely above a whisper.

We chat about the team, Logan, and how Mick hasn't really seen him around. When he does, Logan doesn't acknowledge Mick, which only adds to my confusion and hurt.

"I mean, he seems like he's locked in, but I don't know why he'd need to ignore you," Mick says, annoyance clear in his voice.

I nod

We talk for a few more hours, Mick trying his best to cheer me up. Eventually, he heads out to a club with the rest of the drivers, leaving me alone with my thoughts once again.

Later in the evening, my phone buzzes with notifications. I see a message from Lily in the WAGs group chat.

Lilymun
Hey Char, have you checked Twitter recently?

Me
No.
I've had my social media on DND.
Why?

Carmen
You might want to...
and it's not good, so brace yourself.

My heart sinks as I quickly exit the group chat and open Twitter. My timeline is flooded with F1 drama.

'Charlotte M.I.A? What does this mean for Logan and Charlotte?'

'Logan Sargeant seen getting cozy with new girl in Italy and Singapore.'

'Was this a Charlotte and Logan split, or is this a new cheating scandal?'

"What. The. Fuck." I mutter into the air, tears welling up and spilling down my face. My chest tightens with a mixture of rage and heartbreak.

Me
wtf.

Kika
I'm so sorry, love.

Carmen
We're here if you need to talk.
Especially with everything else going on.

Lilymun
We can all go out once / if you come back.

Me
Idk, I should hopefully be at Suzuka.
But idk if I want to come back.

Lilyz:
Wait, what did I miss?
Oh wait.
Omg, I'm so sorry.

Me
Honestly.
And you don't have to lie to me.
Has she been in the paddock?

Lilymun
I hate to say yes, but she has been,
and it's been aggravating me and Alex.
I swear I was going to tell you, but then you told us about everything at home, and I chose against it. I'm so sorry.

Me
Don't worry, Lily.
I get why you did it.
I think it's time to write some poetry,
so I'll talk to y'all later.

I put my phone down, the tears spilling harder now. I slip out of Logan's hoodie that I've been wearing for the past few days and head to take a shower. The hot water cascades over me, mixing with my tears. I sit on the shower floor, the water hitting my face, my mascara and eyeliner smudging and running down my cheeks.

'Thank God for waterproof eyeliner and mascara,' I think bitterly, as I sit there contemplating why he would do this.

I snap a picture and send it to Mick, my hand shaking.

Mick
I'm gonna kill him, I swear.

I chuckle through my tears, sniffling as I sit on the floor of my shower. Once I feel like I've burned my off skin enough, I turn off the shower and step out. I dry off and change into my comfy, the fabric engulfing me in comfort and warmth—a stark contrast to how Logan's hoodie made me feel after I found out.

I throw the hoodie I left on my bed back into my bag and sit on my bed, my head pounding and nose stuffed, tears still dripping from my eyes like a faucet. I pick up my journal and start writing, the tears falling onto the pages as I pour my heart out.

My phone continues to blow up, even though I've put it on Do Not Disturb. I ignore it, letting the notifications pile up. I throw on my sad Spotify playlist and lay back, letting the music wash over me as I ponder what I could've done differently. I think until I feel like my brain and heart are going to explode, and finally, I drift off to sleep, exhausted and heartbroken.