Drowning With You

CH. 18 💋

LOUIE'S POV

No fucking way did that just happen. No fucking way did I just love that.

Oh, my gods, I barely slept last night. It was a bad idea to even kiss her back, duh, but I never wanted it to end. I should have kissed her more while I had the chance. I wish I would have kissed down her chest, maybe kissed her breasts and see how she would react. Anything to be closer to her, To see her react to my touch.

But then she touched the bandages I had forgotten were there. I panicked, lying that I had scratched them on the bleachers. What else am I supposed to say?

I can't tell her that I freaked out one day and decided to hurt myself. I don't do it nearly as much as I used to, but when swimming isn't enough to stop my mind from the flurry of nonstop thoughts, it's the only thing that works.

Fuck. I could have kept going, ignored the interruption and kept touching her, but it bothered me too much. It was a reminder that I am a mess. I am a mess and was kissing the girl who's done nothing but bully me for years. Or at least try to bully.

Of course, the whole kiss thing was just a midnight haze, because she doesn't like me at all, let alone like that. But then why would she do that? Test the waters and use the gay to do so?

Fuck, it felt amazing. It felt like nothing before and that scared me. I hate how much I absolutely loved it.

Her body is a fucking masterpiece, her hair is soft and running it through my fingers... fuck. Everything I dreamed of and more— because I did dream of her. I couldn't stop thinking about her like that.

And now I still can't.

Sleeping is pointless now, since one of our alarms are going off. I think it's hers, since my phone's screen is still dark.

"Winter." Beep! Beep! Beep! "Winter! Shut it off!" I cover my ears, the insistent buzzer blaring.

She mumbles something and reaches around for her phone, finally grabbing it and shutting it off. I sigh once it's back to quiet.

"Sorry." She doesn't look at me, keeping her gaze low at the covers under her.

"It's fine." Matching her emotionless attitude.

"Last night—that never happened," she tells me, and I nod, not arguing about it. Why would I? It meant nothing. But what if it did? Stop it, Louie. You're the one who stopped it. 

I shouldn't be egging this on any further. It's a physical attraction, which can easily be replaced. I just need to go find some other person to screw and I'll be over her in seconds.

"Yup," I say, taking off the covers and rolling out of the bed. I head to the bathroom to change for breakfast and leave her there.

Once I get back, she's already changed and has fixed up her hair so it's a bit less messy. We see each other early in the morning all the time since practice is so early but seeing her right out of bed and still just as pretty as usual is a different sight entirely.

We head to breakfast in silence, sit next to each other yet say no words, then head back up to pack back up our things for day two of the meet.

I miss hearing her though, her small yapping sessions— which have stopped since last night's debacle where she kissed me.

Now I miss the taste of her.

The short bus ride to the pool is just as quiet as the rest of the morning and the torture is killing me. I'm suffering.

Luckily our all team warm up gave me some time to try clearing my head. It didn't really work, but I guess it felt nice to feel more woken up after I barely slept.