Drowning With You

CH. 31 ❄️

WINTER'S POV

Graduation always seemed so far away, it was just a future thing that I didn't need to think about. Now, I'm walking across the stage in just two minutes. 

Luckily I get to wait in line with Louie since I'm right after her alphabetically. She has pretty eyeliner on, which I helped her put on. And she let me do her hair, which is now curled loosely.

Her graduation hat looks so cute, I've already taken so many pictures of her that she finally had to take my phone-- although it ended up being used to take pictures of me next, so I wasn't mad.

"Are you scared?" I ask her, wondering if she feels the same.

"To walk across that stage? No. For what comes next? Definitely." I sigh in relief, feeling a bit less alone.

Her name is called and all of a sudden, I feel this fear of loss, as if this is what could tear us up. This new milestone where we move on with our lives; where we figure out what we leave behind and what we bring with us.

I give her a thumbs up and she returns one, a smile as she confidently walks over and shakes the dean's hand before being handed her diploma.

Once my name is called, I do the same, I put one foot in front of the other, because from now on that's going to be my job. To keep going.

He gives me the paper that is now the ticket to my future, then I turn and walk to the other side, where the brown haired girl who stole my heart stands.

We wait for the rest of the names to be called, the speech at the end that tells us that now we are adults and we are the keeper of what comes next. Yada yada, I didn't listen to a thing after that, only holding onto Louie's hand while we sit in our chairs.

Once he's finished talking and we are sent on our way, Louie tells me she sees her family and needs to go talk to them, although I'm hesitant.

"Do you want me to come with? We don't need to tell them anything--  I am your best friend and--" She only shakes her head and I stop.

"No, it's okay. I need to see them by myself. It's been a while." She shrugs, both of us are aware that they have messed up her view of other people because of the way they raised her, they made Louie hate herself, made her hate letting people in. 

I hate them.

I let her go, giving her a wave before turning to look for my mom. Of course, she is in a loose-fitting floral dress with a cute white sweater over it. Her glasses are a bit wider now, which must be new, and she has a thin layer of makeup on.

She's young, only thirty-five, and her wrinkles are almost non-existent. She truly is a beautiful woman and a very successful single mother, never really wanting anybody after me. For a while, I thought it was me. I felt bad about how stressed she must be with me that she didn't have time for anyone.

When I got older, she told me she just didn't have any interest in dating unless she just met someone and felt some spark. She didn't have an urge to seek out a companion like she needed one.

"Hi Mom!" I say, hugging her right away. She squeezes me and doesn't let go for a while, which I'm grateful for. I've missed her.

"Winter, you are a wonderful young woman. I am so proud of you, honey." I have to hold back tears, it's been too long. "I'm so lucky to have you as my daughter."

It makes me feel nice having my mom just say this to me, tell me I am doing great and that I'm not fucking everything up.

"How has your swimming been? I've been getting emails every time you leave campus for your meets, I should have asked when they were still going..." Of course she tries to hide how bad she feels so I don't bring it up, not wanting to bring any more attention to it all. She's here now and that's all that matters.

"It went great! I won first place for my 500 meter a few weeks ago." I tell her and her smile grows.

"Freestyle? That's awesome! Are you thinking about pursuing more swimming? In college?" She asks and for a while, I always just assumed it was pointless and wouldn't get me anywhere, but I can't stop thinking about how it makes me happy. Swimming, racing, all of it.

It would be like losing my wings. No more flying through the water. No more being in charge of the greatest element we have.

Maybe I could even get scholarships for something I love.

"Maybe." I determine, giving her another hug.

"I'm so proud of you. Ah, I'm proud you haven't become a pregnant high-school student." She jokes, referencing herself in high school. It's ironic actually, considering I can't get pregnant in the sense that I am not with a man.

I love my mom and I know she loves me unconditionally, I'm just afraid she'll be disappointmed that I won't ever be able to give her biological grandchildren, I won't have a partner that she most likely envisioned me marrying one day. She'll have a daughter who isn't 'normal.'

"Actually, Mom..." I start, wondering what to say. "I um, I fell in love and-- I can't really get pregnant. Not with this one." I chuckle nervously, wondering if she's catching on to the super vague comment.

"You fell in love?" She asks, happiness showing on her face. I don't miss the fact that she doesn't question the mention of not getting pregnant.

"Yeah. Her name is Louie. I fell for a girl." I wait a moment and then her face lights up.

"Ah. You fell in love Louie! You should have called me!" She laughs, a tear falling down her face. I wipe it off with my thumb and she holds my hand, comforting and loving. 

"I should have." I admit, looking over to see Louie talking to her parents, a sad look on her face and a frustrated face on her parents.

My mom turns her head to where I was staring, not moving her head as she asks, "Is that her?"

"Yeah." I reply, wishing I could go over there and tell them off. I hold back, my mom's expression looking as is she wants to do the same. It's very obvious that things aren't going good over there.

A moment later, Louie leaves them and meets my eyes, walking over to us. With her eyes on me and my mom by my side, I feel okay.

A/N: Wholesome coming-out content? WE LOVE THAT.

i love her mom idk guys

I LOVE YOU ALLL!!