Drowning With You

CH. 17 ❄️

WINTER'S POV

I toss and turn for a while, the knowledge of Louie beside me... it's giving me indecent thoughts and images.

Images of her peeling my clothes off my body, leaving me bare beneath her. Sometimes I'd imagine me above her, a smile on her lips as mine are on her skin.

Fuck. This is horrendous, I'm not gay. I'm not saying there's something wrong with being gay— but not me. No. Never.

I just am... feeling things. My body is feeling things. Awful things, but oh, so, so good things.

Oh, my gods, I need to stop.

Opening my eyes, reality sets in and a small light behind me shines from Louie's side of the bed. My curiosity has me turning, looking over to see her back towards me. I think she's scrolling through her phone.

It's around 1:30 a.m. and I'm almost positive she fell asleep around the same time I did, so she must've woken up in the middle of the night like me.

"Why are you awake?" I ask, causing her to flinch a bit at the sound of my voice, surprised I was also awake.

"Gods, Winter. Why are you awake?" she asks, putting her phone down beside her and turning around so she can face me.

"I asked first," I replied. I'm wide awake now, I'm not sure about her, but I like talking to Louie and don't mind using my resting hours on her.

"I just couldn't sleep. Couldn't stay asleep." She shrugs, rubbing at her tired face.

"Screens won't help," I point out, as if that's not common knowledge by now.

"Well, they distract me and that's all that matters." I look at her exhausted expression; she wants to sleep but can't. I should let her. I shouldn't encourage her to stay awake just so she can keep talking to me.

"Yeah." She's right. We all are aware they are bad for us, but it gets me out of my head for a bit. 

"Your freestyle was great, Louie. I'm not just saying that because I'm the team captain, or because it's part of our detention shit. You did good. You dropped time, your stroke was much better, and your kick was speedy. You did good." I hate how she doesn't believe it because it's coming from me.

Louie seems unsure about my compliment, if you could call it that. It's out of character for me, although recently, many things I've done could be considered such. Things are changing, things are going wrong, I don't know what's happening.

"That doesn't mean I like you. You still suck," I say instead, my attempt to not go too soft.

"Y'know," Her voice is softer, a quiet whisper, "I think I'm beginning to tolerate you."

"Hm." I mumble, part of me wishing I could tell her what was really happening. What I was feeling. I want to let go and give in to everything that my mind is begging for.

It's one night. We are sharing a bed. My thoughts are swirling around in my head and all of them just want her. I want Louie. It's a really fucking scary thought but one that I think has been growing bigger and bigger the more I hang out with her.

This means nothing. It doesn't have to mean anything. It can be a one-time thing. How else do I get rid of these thoughts? Maybe acting on them will get it out of my system?

Fuck, what am I talking about? This is crazy! I am going crazy! This is Louie. Louie, the raging bitch who threw punches at me until I couldn't move!

But she's also the girl who invited me to teach swim lessons with. It's the girl who let me listen to her music and the girl who gave me half her burger earlier today—or yesterday, I guess.

Things are changing. Everything has changed. She feels it too, right? Hasn't she felt something going on? Or am I really just the only one. Damn, I really hope I am not the only one.

I pull the back of her neck and place my lips on hers, giving her time to pull away. She doesn't. Louie pushes into me, urging more movement and I give it to her, sucking on her bottom lip.

My body tingles and heats up in flames, her hands weave through my hair to pull me closer.

I'm not going to lie, I've kissed two other people—all men, of course—and it's been fine. I assumed we just never got the hang of kissing for the few months we had been together, but this here? Just what I needed.

I grasp her shoulders, letting my hands wander down her arms and then around her hips. Gosh, she's so beautiful.

Somehow, I slip my hand under the hem of her shirt and go back to her waist, not going any farther, just wanting to touch her soft skin.

Fuck, I move our stomachs closer, so they are touching as we continue kissing. It's as if we are battling, our mouths clashing together—her tongue slipping past my lips and woah—my stomach filled with a feeling of pleasure.

My fingers wander, sliding to her stomach. That's when I feel a patch of something, stopping the kiss to look at what I found.

A bandage covers part of her stomach, but she quickly pushes my hands off and pulls back.

"Sorry. What happened?" I ask, gesturing to her stomach.

"Scraped on the bleachers. It's fine," she explains, but seems defensive and different than just a few moments before. I don't understand.

And fuck; we kissed. We kissed a lot.

I need to stop this. I can't believe I just did that. I'm panicking. And now she's rejecting me. I kissed the girl I hate—I thought I hated—and she didn't want it. She didn't want me.

"Shit—I don't—I'm not..." I stutter. What do I say after that? Because I am not gay. I am not. Whatever that was, it was just me trying to figure out my thoughts and I've tried. Now I am done. I don't want to think about that.

"Whatever. I'm going to sleep now," is all she says as she turns back over and goes silent.

I don't respond, not knowing what I would even say and not wanting to expand on what just happened. I never want to think about that again.

Unfortunately, that's all I think about as I fall asleep.

A/N: Ooooooo. Winter and Louie dramaaaa.

I might release another chapter tonight. I have work and wanna hang out in the sauna maybe, so we'll see!!