Drowning With You

CH. 28 ❄️

WINTER'S POV

I probably stood in the locker room, where she had left me, for ten minutes. Where was I supposed to go? What was I supposed to do? How could I let myself just do that? Why would I decide to pour out my heart to her?

My whole body hurts from trying to hold back the tears, but I've failed miserably. I feel like I'm dying, I can't breathe, it hurts.  Everything hurts.

I didn't expect a lovey dovey reply to my confession, but holy shit; she just broke my heart into pieces. I admitted my feelings that took me forever to understand, despite the shame that follows them, and it wasn't even worth it.

I don't want to be like this. I don't want to want her. But I can't be without her. I want her and I want to be with her, in whatever way she allows me to. I could have let it be and let us live out the next month and a half before we graduate. I ruined us. I shouldn't have brought it up. I should have let us stay in our own oblivious bubble for the time we had left.

And we still have detention hours and lesson hours. Will we ever survive?

Louie, no matter what just happened, feels something for me. If she didn't, she would have told me. She's avoiding, like always, and I let it happen.

She just left. Left. I feel so broken. I drop to the floor and sob. I have no friends other than her, I've ruined my one relationship here at this school, all for loving her too much for her liking.

I'm lost and I need her. I need to talk to her. I told her I loved her and she didn't even acknowledge it. Who does that?!

I don't go to swim the next day. I tell coach I am sick, which I feel like. I've been crying so much that I've gone through all my tissues.

I only skipped one day of swim practice, knowing that Coach would kick my ass if I skipped anymore since I am the team captain. Anytime I saw Louie, I'd have to look down at my feet and try not to cry again. It's been an awful five days. I didn't even show up for our last to lessons.

A knock on my door wakes me out of my thoughts and I instantly look around at my messy room. "Leave me alone! I'm trying to sleep." I yell at them, neither wanting to talk to anyone or have them see the trash spread across the floor of my room.

"Winter, it's Matt." The person says and fuck, I jump out of bed and kick my shit across the floor and into the closet, closing it to hide it all. I check myself in the mirror, regretting it once I see my disheveled and red eyed self. There isn't any fixing that.

I open the door just a little, curious to what he is doing here. Does he know about Louie and I? He must know; not only is he Louie's best friend but he wouldn't be at my door otherwise.

"What." I say, not excited he is here but definitely not uninterested. I'm obsessive, sue me.

"Please don't give up." He tells me, his eyes furrowed and his hands shoved into his jacket pockets. He notices my terribly tired face, but does his best to hide his reaction. It's for the best.

"Why not?" I ask, not planning on giving up but wondering why his best friend out of all people, is telling me not to. Wouldn't he be on her side of this?

"Because she is avoidant and scared. You both are, most likely, scared. She's not a people person, she's never been. Her family has set her up for large standards and she does her best to avoid coming across situations that could give her more of them." Matt explains, exposing her in ways she would kill him for, but doing it anyways.

"But I've never seen her so happy, when you two were doing whatever. She's sad, now. Hasn't said much, other than a vague summary of what happened. It scared her; the vulnerability. Just, please remember that she is avoidant, but that doesn't mean she can't reciprocate your feelings. She just has a harder time letting herself let her guard down."