Drowning With You

CH. 24 ❄️

WINTER'S POV

What do you do after waking up naked and tangled in the sheets with the woman who gave you a mind blowing orgasm the night before?

I'm about to get out of bed and brush my teeth before she sees me so disheveled, but her eyes flutter open. I guess she's already seen me like this after sharing a bed during that meet out of town, so I try not to think about this too much.

I decide to take this time to admit something I told her last night, before we... did everything.

"I don't want to be mean. I don't want people to be afraid of my wrath or whatever. I don't want to be the 'ice queen.'" I hope she knows this. I hope she understands that I hate who I am.

"But nobody listens unless I'm angry. Or I'm yelling. I want to be nice, but nice never got me anywhere. Nobody listened." It's not an excuse, I can't excuse my behavior that I will still continue in the future, but it's an explanation, which is all I can give.

She doesn't reply, but looks at me as if she is genuinely listening. It's rare, now days.

"I grew up with my mom, who always made me feel heard and loved. Even at my other school, I wasn't popular but I people listened to what I had to say. Then I came here, easier for the our schedule and good for my education." I shrug, drawing circles on her clavicle. "People liked me, I guess, and I was nice. But whenever I needed to make something known, I was nothing. So I yelled, I was angry, and it worked."

"I'm sorry, Winter." She says, which now I feel stupid for even mentioning, not wanting her pity. I was seeking understanding and I fear I might have gotten the wrong response.

"No, no, it wasn't your fault. It was just us all being young and I guess it just stuck with me. I don't know how to tone it down anymore... and you..." She pauses, "I've never had an excuse with you. Messing with you, being mean and saying shit behind your back? No excuse. I'm sorry about that." I apologize, guilty about how I treated her terribly for so long.

"I never cared much anyways, you picked the wrong girl to mess with." She jokes, but it's also something I was thinking about earlier.

"Maybe I didn't." I reply with a smile, kissing her on the lips before I stand up and drop the sheet, swaying my hips as I walk to the restroom and close the door.

Fuck fuck fuck. I'm embarrassed how easily everything unfolded last night and more importantly, how I slept on her warm body as if I were to do so with a partner.

I brush my teeth, grab some clothes I have in the closet, and make sure I don't look like a complete demon. When I walk back out, she's still where I left her, naked and beautiful.

"Breakfast?" I asked despite my fear of her wanting to leave right away. She must, I'm not even sure why I came up with the thought. She doesn't do this stuff— I knew this.

We are friends, if anything at all, not anything more and I shouldn't mess with the idea of it all. She's already stayed all night, of course she doesn't want to stay any longer with me. "Sorry. You probably want to—"

"Yeah, breakfast sounds great." She responds, casually pulling the sheet off of the rest of her previously covered body and walking to the other side of the small room, where her clothes landed last night.

"Oh. Cool. Awesome." I reply, surprised she would want to be anywhere around me after how I reacted after sex last night. We aren't cuddle buddies— I'm not sure why I ended up snuggling up with her right after but I guess I needed the comfort. I'm embarrassed, to say the least.

I felt her hands run through my hair, I think, but maybe I'm just going crazy. I shouldn't be looking for chances that she could feel anything more. I am only doing this because I've never has sex until her, it's been exhilarating, and I'm getting ahead of myself, caught up in it all.