Drowning With You

CH. 10 💋

LOUIE'S POV

I've skipped practice for the past few days. I'm not ashamed, I'm angry. My own personal life was broadcasted and my whole team acted as if I was an alien. I was ready for another fight, and instead have given myself a few days to cool off.

Sure, I've been pouting and wallowing, but I don't give a fuck. I don't want to give a fuck. It wasn't as if I was hiding my habits or who my habits were, I just wasn't going and telling everyone; but this is just fucked.

I have no clue how I didn't yell at them all in that locker room the other day. I'm on thin ice with Coach Naomi, after I hit Winter a few weeks ago. I don't think I would have been able to stop from slapping each and every one of them in the face if I had stayed a second more.

God, waking up to that video on phone... I decided to ignore it, thinking maybe nobody has seen it yet since it was so early. Unfortunately, that was not the case. Luckily I had never assumed people would have a positive reaction to me being attracted to woman, so I wasn't to disappointed to know everyone thinks I am now a creep in the locker room.

I make it a point to either keep my eyes at the wall or floor, unless being spoken to, which was rare since nobody even talks to me there.

Now I am a creep? Goddamn, people are doing too much. They stared at me more than I've looked at them in the past four years, yet I am the one who is watches them too much? They pointed and laughed when I walked in, yet I am the problem?

Winter locking herself in the locker room with me, especially with the showers on, I only assumed she'd trick me somehow. Play a prank on the gay girl. I got out of there as soon as I could.

Asking how I was? As if she fucking cared about how I felt? Those girls are all just replicas of her. They are all the same.

Fuck.

"Don't worry, Lou. They'll forget about it eventually and realize that it doesn't matter." He tells me, sitting on the floor of my dorm room.

"Obviously you do not know teenage girls, Matt, because they can hold their grudges and useless opinions while being six feet in the ground. They won't forget." I explain to him. My hair hasn't been brushed in days, I've gone to my classes looking like a hobo, getting stares, glares, and laughs occasionally.

I don't care. Honestly, I'm used to people looking at me like that. I'm a disappointment to many, but to me, I am just going with the flow. I don't care about people's opinions when I don't know them.

It's harder with the people closer to me. My family expects a lot from me, so I just stopped trying. Once I gave up, I felt the weight drop. I did fine, but nothing compared to what they wanted.

It was freeing, distancing myself from them and their opinions. Their lifestyle.

But Winter... why did she bother me so much? Why did I feel even worse, knowing she most likely is disgusted by me? I shouldn't care. She's nothing but the ice queen, she doesn't care about anyone but herself. I shouldn't care.

"Hmm, maybe. Fuck them. They're just jealous you are getting some action and they aren't; those stuck up bitches need to get in line." He waves his hands off and I laugh, wishing he was right.

The past few days have been stupid. I ended up in my bathroom again on the floor, crying over this stupid video that I ended up watching again. My face, obvious, kissing a girl, luckily her face isn't visible enough to identify. I hate that I'm letting this get to me because I don't want to care. I never want to care about this type of stuff.

I hate letting them act like this and not showing that it hurts, a bit. I can't let them know that their terrorizing is getting what they want. My agony is what they want and I won't let them see that.

It shouldn't be that big of a deal. If it was a man in the video with that girl, people might joke about me having fun and then move on.

Just unfair. Fucking stupid. I move on, deciding I hate this subject.

"How's the girl?" I ask, and the second I mention it, his face lights up. He looks like he might start giggling and kicking his feet.

"I took her to the cafe and we got drinks. She's so pretty and funny and nice and she's just perfect." He says, blushing.

"Yeah?" I ask, not knowing what to say but hoping he continues talking.

"Yes. God, it was great. We went on a walk afterwards, then walked her back to her dorm. She's a yapper and I'm a yapper, but we also both love listening and I love hearing her yap." He smiles again.

He's already happier after one date, this seems good.

"Oh and I kissed her!" He says. "I mean, I've kissed some girls at parties and shit, but this just felt real." I wish I could understand that, I've kissed a lot but I've never really felt a spark. It's always just been sloppy kisses before we end up naked and sweating.

"You kissed her? On the first date?!" I ask, surprised that he had the courage to go for it, considering he's scared to even talk to girls in any romantic way.

"It was perfect. We strolled through the campus garden and I pulled her in. She kissed me back and smiled and it was all great." I can tell he thinks about her again, because his face becomes even more red.

I'm about to reply when a fast series of knocks hits my door. Matt gives me a confused look and I shrug.

"I'm coming! Give me a sec, goddamn!" I yell, although they keep knocking anyways.

"Bruh, what do you—" I open the door and see who it is, rolling my eyes and try shutting the door, but failing when a foot falls in between the gap.

Winter stands there, prying my door open so she can walk in to my room.

She looks around for a moment, sees Matt, then glares. "Out." She points to the door, he looks at me, back to Winter, then grabs his bag and leaves.

What a friend he is.

Once Matt is out of the room, she turns back to me and puts her hands on her hips.

"You have already missed practice multiple times and one of our lesson days. I'm serious, you won't be the reason I am kicked off my team. I don't care if you don't show up to practice, but go to the goddamn lesson and shave those five fucking seconds off your time." She shoves a finger at my chest to amplify her anger.

"I don't have to listen to you." I tell her, walking to the other side of my room so I can do anything other than stand in front of her.

"You do, because I am Winter fucking Montgomery and I will make your life fucking hell until we graduate." She threatens, and although I know that's possible, I don't care much.

"Nobody likes you, Winter."

"Nobody likes you either, Monroe."

We glare, then I look at the time.

"Whatever. Nothing fucking matters. I don't care." I remind her.

"Well this matters to me." She says, her eyes serious but also almost pleading. She needs her swimming; it's all she has.

"Fine." I say, for reasons unknown. "Let's go."

"Really?" Her face lifts up a bit and part of me finds this worth it, all because of that one small smile.

"Yeah." I reply, grabbing my swim back off the hook and following to the door.

"And for the record, I don't care if you like girls and stuff." She says. "I hate you because you are you, not because you are gay."

And even though that was a shit explanation, I found it amusing.

"Noted."