Drowning With You

CH. 10 💋

LOUIE'S POV

I've skipped practice for the past few days. I'm not ashamed, I'm angry. My own personal life was broadcasted and my whole team acted as if I was an alien. I was ready for another fight, and instead have given myself a few days to cool off.

Sure, I've been pouting and wallowing, but I don't give a fuck. I don't want to give a fuck. It wasn't as if I was hiding my habits or who my habits were, I just wasn't going and telling everyone; but this is just fucked.

I have no clue how I didn't yell at them all in that locker room the other day. I'm on thin ice with Coach Naomi after I hit Winter a few weeks ago. I don't think I would have been able to stop myself from slapping each and every one of them in the face if I had stayed a second more.

God, waking up to that video on phone... I decided to ignore it, thinking maybe nobody has seen it yet since it was so early. Unfortunately, that was not the case. Luckily, I had never assumed people would have a positive reaction to me being attracted to women, so I wasn't too disappointed to know everyone now thinks I am a creep in the locker room.

I've always made it a point to either keep my eyes at the wall or floor, unless being spoken to, which was rare since nobody even talks to me there.

Now I am a creep? Goddamn, people are doing too much. They've looked at me far more than I've looked at them in the past four years, yet I am the one who 'watches them while they change'? They pointed and laughed when I walked in, stared at me as I changed, yet I am the problem?

Winter locking herself in the locker room with me, especially with the showers on, I only assumed she'd trick me somehow. Play a prank on the gay girl. I got out of there as soon as I could.

Asking how I was? As if she fucking cared about how I felt? Those girls are all just replicas of her. They are all the same.

Fuck.

"Don't worry, Lou. They'll forget about it eventually and realize that it doesn't matter," he tells me, sitting on the floor of my dorm room.

"Obviously you do not know teenage girls, Matt, because they can hold their grudges and useless opinions while being six feet in the ground. They won't forget," I explain to him. My hair hasn't been brushed in days, I've gone to my classes looking like a hobo, getting stares, glares, and occasional laughs.

I don't care. Honestly, I'm used to people looking at me like that. I'm a disappointment to many, but to me, I am just going with the flow. I'm going at my own pace. I don't care about people's opinions when I don't know them.

It's harder with the people closer to me. My family expects a lot from me, so I just stopped trying for them. Once I gave up trying to meet every single one of their expectations, I felt the weight drop. I did fine, but nothing compared to what they wanted.

It was freeing, distancing myself from them and their opinions. Their lifestyle.

But Winter... why did she bother me so much? Why did I feel even worse, knowing she most likely is disgusted by me? I shouldn't care. She's nothing but the ice queen, she doesn't care about anyone but herself. I shouldn't care.

"Hmm, maybe. Fuck them. They're just jealous you are getting some action, and they aren't. Those stuck-up bitches need to get in line." He waves his hands off and I laugh, wishing he was right.

The past few days have been stupid. I ended up on my bathroom floor again, angrily crying over this stupid video that I ended up watching repeatedly. My face, obvious, kissing a girl, whose face luckily isn't visible enough to identify. I hate that I'm letting this get to me because I don't want to care. I never want to care about this type of stuff. But I'm just so fucking mad.