Drowning With You

CH. 27 💋

LOUIE'S POV

I'm lost. What the fuck is wrong with me? I left her and I am an awful person. I miss her and I miss hanging out with her. I showed up for the first lesson of the week with Winter but she didn't show up. I didn't show up for the next.

Matt walks in without warning, knowing I'm already under my covers and mindlessly scrolling through my phone, trying to distract myself from the fact that I hate myself.

"Matt, I don't want to hear it." I tell him, my head facing away from him.

"Whatever," I hear my drawers and closet opening and rustling coming from behind me, forcing me to turn around to see what he's doing. "You are meeting my girlfriend. Claire wants to meet you, I want her to meet you, and you need a distraction that doesn't permanently wreck your spine.

I fix my posture while laying down, as if that helps any.

"Nooooo. I'm tired and heartbroken and stupid." I complain, to which he only rolls his eyes.

"Bummer. You are my best friend and you need to be here for me. I need this." He throws some clothes at me, a pair of simple jeans and a cute sweater.

He has a point. This has already been something we've been planning on doing, I can't cancel. I can't be so selfish with my best friend because I am sad about something I caused myself.

"We are meeting at the cafe in fifteen minutes." He says and fuck. I jump out of bed and groan at how my body is stiff from laying for so long. Why did he give me no time? I grab my clothes and change in the bathroom then braid my hair since there isn't time for fixing how wrecked it is.

It's the best it's gonna get with the little time I have been given.

I come out of my bathroom as a new woman and he nods, approving.

Five minutes later, we are at the cafe and he gestures me to Claire, who is a really pretty woman, one dimple on each side of her smile.

She waves at us both, and I return with a forced smile. She looks nice and I wonder if she will switch up and create an ultimatum of either me or her.

It's a valid fear, but after losing Winter, he's my only person. I have a right to be scared of losing him.

"Hi! I'm Claire. I've heard a lot about you." She says, almost putting her hand out to shake mine but quickly putting it back down.

We all sit down and I try to put on a happy face, knowing that I will be able to distract myself here if I just get in the mood.

"Yeah, same with you. I hear great things about you." I tell her, scooting into my chair. She blushes and looks at Matt, who is just happy we are finally meeting.

Turns out, she's an anxious but peppy person once she gets used to people. Perfectly Matt's type.

We talk for an hour, she even asks me questions about my own life then Matt and her tell me about some of their stories they've had recently. It's nice. It's cute. Happy.

Matt runs to the rest room and Claire looks down at her food, moving it around a little.

"I'm going to be honest," She starts, taking a breath. Fuck, this is the end. This is where she tells me I need to go. Fuck.

My heart starts racing and I wait for her to drop the news. "I was so scared to meet you because I really didn't want Matt's best friend to hate me."

I pause, taking in her words. What?

"Wait, what?" I ask, needing to make sure I heard her right.

"Well, I just want to know about his life, one day maybe be involved in other parts of his life and I just was scared that you would hate me. Maybe it's stupid--" She rambles on.

"I was just scared you were going to make me stop being friends with him. That tends to happen to people who are best friends with the opposite sex." I admit and she laughs in relief.

"Oh. No, no. I trust him. It scares me, the idea that he would do that, but who am I to stop a friendship? That's not fair of me. I trust him and I trust this relationship. I'm glad I met you, it's more reassuring, I guess." She shrugs, looking much more calm after her confession, and to be honest; me too.

Once matt gets back, we grab the check and then Claire leaves to wash her hands, Matt immediately asking how I feel about his new girlfriend.

I tell him the truth; she is a great person and that she's sweet, someone who obviously cares about more than just him, but also the people around him as well.

Before she gets back, Matt looks at me and thinks for a moment, "Louie. I know you have had a bad week but I need to say something. You are a guarded woman. You have a hard time trusting and it's a valid fear. It's okay to be skeptical."

Fuck, this feels like an intervention.

"I know you don't want to admit it, but it's okay. And y'know what? Sometimes, expectations are okay. Sometimes, they can help us become better people and create compromise and middle ground, make sure two people are able to understand each other's needs and work off of them." He says, twisting his lips. "Just think about that. Don't push people away in fear."

I nod, hating that I know he is right. I know that. I just don't know how to work on it. I don't know how to let her in. I'm confused and I like this girl.

But watching him and Claire only makes me wish I could have something like them. Be happy and enjoy life with a person I like. Or love.

Claire comes back and they both leave. I think about his mini speech and wonder why I can't be normal and have had a normal childhood. I wish I was able to let in Winter and love her like she loves me.

I'm scared. I'm afraid I'll hurt her. Hurt us.

We became friends, she became someone I trusted. If we go further, things can go wrong and I'll lose her. She'll be disappointed and I'll lose her.

One day, I'll ruin us. She won't be able to love me forever, not if I can't keep up with her idea of me. I'll do something stupid and all of what she thinks of me will be gone. That's how it always goes, right?

I messed up in school and here I am. Boarding school. Just like every time when I was younger, it'll repeat. Over and over until she hates me.

God, I wish I could hold on to Matt's speech, yet somehow my brain continues to spiral.

Why won't it stop?

A/N: Guys it is midnight and i am awake cuz i'm was crying after my closing shift 😐

i am a big yapper and i think i annoy all my co workers. like— i wasn't even talking much today yet they seemed like they hated anytime i spoke. JUST TELL ME U HATE ME

anyways, i'm so over it...

LOVE YOU ALLLLL

and guys it's getting to the end of the book and i feel like im losing my babies :(

it's just like losing lana and charlotte all over again ☹️💔💔

u guys all make my day so much better. like ever comment makes me smile and i just love you all. i'm so serious rn.