BTS Eighth Member | The Life: Year 2018

Chapter 35- Our Decision

May 22nd, 2018:

We'd filmed a performance for James Corden in the late morning and taken a flight to back to Seoul. Having talked to the boys about the contracts and our feelings had really honestly helped. You could feel us being more playful and lighthearted with each other which helped alleviate the overall tension and pressure around us on a day-to-day basis.

I'd answered Hanbin yesterday saying I'd left my phone in my room, which had technically been true. I was mainly deflecting, asking him questions instead of answering his. I think he had picked up I was being weird but hadn't asked directly about what was going on. My guess was he thought it was related to my stress about the group and didn't want to ask in case it set me off or stressed me out even more. He was probably waiting for me to bring it up first. I knew I'd have to talk to him about the drugs and lies when we got back, I just still hadn't made up my mind if this new risk overrided my love for him. Dating another idol was risky in itself, but dating an idol with a past with drugs? That wasn't just industry risky, that was socially/criminally risky. I personally wasn't all that concerned about his drug use. As of now, it seemed he'd only done it a couple of times two years ago. I was more bothered by the fact he'd lied and hidden it from me.

We'd finally arrived back in Seoul the evening and had been dropped off at our apartments for the rest of the night. I was beyond thankful the death threats in the US had come to nothing, but I was still on high alert, now mainly due to Daeseong and the continued threat of the Ilbe members. As a result, Iseul came with me to my apartment. She'd punched in the code and done a general sweep given I'd been gone a while, even though Hanbin and Heeyoung had come and gone. After the all-clear, I was allowed to go in. I felt like such an important VIP with so much care and money going into my security, it was weird.

When Iseul left, I sat down on the sofa letting out a deep breath and stroking Inigo who had come up brushing himself against my leg, my suitcase still in the small entrance hallway. I notice flowers on the kitchen counter with a note. I got up to look at the bouquet of dark red, pink, and white carnations. I opened the small envelope to read the note.

So proud of you. You're an amazing , kind, smart, genuine human with so much talent. I'm so lucky to have you in my life.

Love you always,

Hanbin

I couldn't help but smile at how thoughtful he was, carnations were my favourite flowers, and he knew I was stressed and wanted to do this small thing to cheer me up. I don't know how I got so lucky, but then my smile slid off thinking of the talk I'd have to have with him soon. I reluctantly grabbed my phone and went to his messages to tentatively set a time for this to happen.

Y/N: Landed 😊

Y/N: Movie night soon?

He answered right away.

Hanbin 💙: Yes! Tonight?

Hanbin 💙: I can come over now

Hanbin 💙: I was just working out 🙃

Y/N: Trying to show off lol

Y/N: Sure, if you wanna come over

I felt like ripping off the band-aid was better than letting the wound fester. And with the comeback promotions, I was going to be extremely busy, and I didn't know when we'd be able to have a lengthy talk again.