Hinatid ako ni Red sa tapat ng unit ko. Para siyang tangang nakangiti habang naglalakad.
"I'll see you tom?" he asked, still smiling. I nodded at him. "Let's go to school together, 'kay?" I turned to him while holding my doorknob.
"Anong oras ba yung exam mo?"
"At nine. Yours?"
"8:30. Pwede namang mauna na ako sa school?" if we go to school together, he needs to go there thirty minutes earlier than his schedule. "Mas maaga yung exam ko."
"It's fine. Thirty minutes isn't that long naman." I agreed because it seems like he already made up his mind and no one can stop him.
"Okay. Pasok na ako?" I pointed at my door.
"Hmm... have a good night. Your promise, okay?" hindi niya talaga nakakalimutan 'yun.
"Okay." I opened the door and entered backward, still looking at him. He smiled at me. Mapupungay ang mga mata niyang nakatingin sa akin.
"Good night... I'll order food for you so you won't need to cook. And you don't need to pay for it." he said sweetly.
"Okay, thank you. Kumain ka rin. Good night..." I smiled at him for the last time before I closed the door.
I took a deep breath while holding my chest. It's pounding like I just had a marathon.
I went straight to my room and did my night routine. Dumating na rin ang pagkaing pinadeliver ni Red. I unconsciously smiled.
I don't know why he treats me this way. I always think he treats everyone like this to not assume anything but how can I not. He isn't like this to his friends at all. Hindi niya naman hinahatid si Nathan so unit niya. He doesn't order food for Blake or Elijah. He doesn't like skinships with anyone, pero sa akin palaging dapat malapit. Kulang na lang makipagpalit ng mukha.
I remember the first time we met.
"I didn't change my preferences. He may be pretty, but I'm not into men." I remember it vividly. The way he clarified to his friends that he isn't into men.
He's not into men. He's straight. But what is he doing to me? Am I assuming things?
My insides suddenly feel hollow. I sighed. I realized how far we are from each other. I am gay. He's straight. And I'm scared because I am slowly developing feelings for him. Kahit ayaw ko. Kahit hindi ko gusto. Ayaw ko kasi alam kong talo ako sa huli.
To Red:
Hi. The food is already here. Thank you! I'll pay for it tomorrow.
Maybe I need to put a wall between us?
Ang hirap maging bakla. We receive discrimination from other people almost every day. They think we don't belong in this society. That being gay is a sin.
I didn't even choose this path to begin with. Nagising na lang ako na gusto ko nang subukang magsuot ng mga damit na katulad sa mga babaeng nakikita ko noon. Na nagkakagusto na ako sa kapwa ko lalaki. I didn't choose this. Who would choose this path knowing how cruel society is towards the people who belong here?
But I don't regret being part of this community. I love being gay. I accept myself. No matter how hard society is towards me, I will always accept myself. Ako ang unang taong tumanggap sa sarili ko, and it will stay that way.
"Kuya, are you sad?" I heard Story asked. I woke up from idling. Lumingon ako sa kanya. We are video calling right now while I'm studying. Pero parang walang pumapasok sa utak ko.
"No. I am just focused because kuya needs to get high grades on the exam." I smiled to convince her.
"Why need high grades? Do you get money from it?" I chuckled because of what she said.
