"What time are we going tomorrow?" I heard Red asked coldly while we were going out of the restaurant. I felt Clara held my hand.
"Ayoko nang magbar, dude." Aiden responded, sounding a bit nervous.
"Ako rin."
"No. Matutuloy tayo bukas. Anong oras?" he is determined to go now.
"We'll go at seven, Red" I saw him nod in my peripheral vision.
"Okay."
Clara pulled me to the parking lot. "Kiel, hatid muna natin si Rain sa condo niya." she didn't look back at them and opened the passenger seat for me. "Hindi rin pala kami makakasama sa inyo bukas." I heard her say while I was entering Kiel's Sedan.
I was just looking ahead so I wouldn't see our friends, specifically Red. They talked for a few minutes until Clara and Kiel went inside.
Si Red dapat ang maghahatid sa akin ngayon. Sabay dapat kaming uuwi.
I looked outside through the window. No one's talking. And I appreciate that they aren't asking me questions right now because if they would, I won't be able to hold back. I don't want to cry here. I don't want to cry in front of Kiel.
My vision became blurry because of the unshed tears that'd been wanting to fall since earlier.
I thought what I did earlier was for the best. All those pushing and asking him to find someone, I was deep inside hoping that he would say no, but the opposite happened.
We reached my condo building. I was about to thank them when they both went out. "Hatid ko muna si Rain sa taas. If you want, you can go home na, Kiel."
Kiel shook his head. "No, I'll go with you. I also want to take Rain to his condo."
"Hindi na naman kailangan. Ako na lang ang aakyat..." but before I could speak more, Clara was already holding my hand, leading me to walk.
I don't have the energy to protest. I don't have the energy to talk. I don't have the energy to tell Clara how much I want her hug right now.
I faced them when we reached my unit. "Thank you sa inyo." I smiled at them but I know it didn't reach my eyes. "Also, I'm sorry for ruining the mood earlier." my voice shook a bit.
I saw how Clara's eyes were filled with unshed tears. She shook her head. "You didn't ruin anything." she took a step forward and slowly snaked her arms around me.
"Please know that you always have me. I will always put you first, Rain." I closed my eyes tightly while feeling her embrace. I need this. I badly need this.
"I want to stay with you tonight, but I know you want to be alone. You can have your time alone, Rain, but please don't bottle up your feelings. You can always talk to me." I nodded and opened my eyes. That's when I saw Kiel looking sorrowful. He opened his arms and slowly moved closer to lock us in his arms.
"Seeing you both cry pains me so much. Please don't cry in front of me again." the sobs I have been suppressing came out.
"Promise me." Clara and I both nodded.
We let each other go. I moved backward. "I'll go inside..." I smiled for the last time and went inside.
When I entered, my tears began to fall. They seem to know that I'm alone and that they can freely fall now because no one will see them but me.
It's okay, Rain. This will end. Hindi palaging masakit. Hindi palaging mabigat. Hindi ka iiyak araw-araw. You'll be genuinely happy soon. You just have to remind yourself that you can't always have what you want, including Red.
