Roommates

Chapter 48

Unwanted tears slid down Aurora's icy cheeks as she drove aimlessly around Seattle. She didn't bother turning up the heat in her car; she didn't deserve that luxury. She deserves to be cold and alone tonight. If she can't see that she's worthless to people who pretend to value her, she must just be naïve, this she deserves to suffer. If one is to be stupid, one has to be tough. She never mattered to anyone before, so why would that change with Evangeline?

Trying to escape her thoughts and emotions, she passed by dozens of cars on the back roads. Those people were probably on their way home to spend the rest of these dark hours with their loved ones. The winter air crept in through the vents as she pushed down on the pedal, gaining speed as she got onto the freeway. Through her tears, the lines on the dark roads grew blurry and she recklessly sped down the strip. At any moment, something tragic could happen, like a deer jumping out in front of her car or a tree falling onto her path. She increased her speed in a fear-induced rage.

Who would ever care?

Aurora smacked her head with her hand, hoping to silence her dreadful thoughts. She eased up on the gas as she came to the realization of her actions. She didn't really want to get hurt and she certainly didn't want to hurt anyone else. She was just... trying to escape the pain she felt.

Her heart felt like mush that couldn't beat properly. The palpations made her nauseous and lightheaded. She tried to regulate her breathing, but she kept seeing spots. She was in so much strife that she believed she may die of a broken heart.

The deafening silence between Evangeline's reply to Aurora's question was answer enough. Chloe was a liar, but when Evangeline couldn't immediately argue against her word, Aurora knew it must be true. Evangeline did want her to leave.

Merging off the road safely, she put her car in park on the side of the freeway and got out. She slammed the door with both hands and hit the glass with her fists. Anger seeped out of her as she began sweating from her exertion. She screamed at the trees until her throat bled. She kept screaming until she lost her voice, then she picked up rocks and twigs, hurling them at the dense woods, losing sight of them in the midnight darkness.

She had never felt such a therapy as launching the debris one after another while yelling obscenities to the nightcrawlers. The closest she had ever been to an experience like this was well out of the city she grew up in, in the mountains after Chloe had broken her heart for the first time. Even that didn't feel as good as this release. She was giving her lifetime of betrayal, regret, and heartbreak to the woods, never to be seen again.

It was a blessing in disguise that Seattle had a plethora of trees to consume her spewing rage. Seattle was certainly different from Provo. The roads in Washington— even freeways— laid in the middle of endless forests, with no barriers blocking one from exploring into the unknown in the midnight hours. By day break, she could be miles into the forest. She could easily step into the woods and never be seen or heard from again.

But that was just l'appel du vide.

She had often experienced these throes of emotion throughout her life, and she always succumbed to the wonder, finding herself in unfamiliar cities, in unpredictable scenarios, and holding onto hope that someone would save her from herself. But this time, she fought against the urges. She didn't want to disappear. She wanted to be home in bed with Evangeline. She wanted to be safe. She finally knew peace, and she wanted it back.

Getting back in her car, she took a shaky breath, reaching the bottom of her chest and fully extending her belly with air. It ached in her tight chest and more tears spilled out. She buried her head in her hands, ashamed to even think that she could turn back now. The damage was done. Evangeline was better off with the one she wanted.