Dark and light: The Shadows

Chapter 10

I lay down, staring at the ceiling.

My therapist had sent me a link to a meditation track, so I was giving it a listen. I followed her instructions this time: listen until the end. I kept disconnecting from the meditation because "Your brain constantly needs stimulation."
She also knew I loved a good challenge on better days and when best to do that than the day after Yule. I don't know what the reward was yet, but it was working if it was the feeling of calm and peace after listening to this guided audio. The only time I allowed myself to break into thought -which I know is normal, I'm not a monk- was in remembering when I used to practice meditation before homeschooling. Around 13-15 years old. Aside from that the only thing considered meditation was occasional yoga or calming myself down before my anxiety could escalate.

If I had to choose though, I believe it's to pick meditation over medication. I had a literal seizure at college because I missed one day of medication. The dosages for that had been high and made me feel like a shell most of the time too. So I'm glad she agreed to switch the medication on time. I should've told her how it was making me feel from a year in. I wouldn't confess that my response at that party was due to the lack of medication. As far as anyone knows it's my complete intolerance for that man's behaviour.

Truth is, it was both.

The meditation track was coming to an end as that train of thought came to a halt. I still think I did well. I processed 80% of what she said. I did 70% of it. It's better than nothing.

"Thank yourself for coming to this meditation today. You've given your mind something to focus on and don't be upset if it strayed a few times. It's only human nature." lol. "Now take it upon yourself to read something. Get fresh air. Go out for the day... be kind to yourself. Namaste."

Well. Her voice was just as soothing as Sabrina's when she read an excerpt from a friend's book to me.

I got up to change my clothes and pack some. I decided tonight was the night I'd go "partying." I've already given Bella an itinerary of sorts. It wasn't the most accurate and I know she knows I won't do half the things listed but she seemed chill still. So why would any of us worry? Ima be fine.

I went downstairs to hug her in advance. And the rest of the family that was there. I just needed a ride now. The best and most available person for that was my sister. Plus I haven't annoyed - spend quality time- with her in a while

I practically hopped up to her room, knocked and waited for her to open the door. Like I do, she also opened the door telekinetically. I plastered a goofy smile on my face immediately.

"Will you go shopping with me?" I leaned against her door. Noticing the artwork posted on the line on the wall parallel. "Those look really good."

"Thanks, and sure, when are we going?" She clicked her pen repeatedly looking at me. "I have practice in an hour. Well, ninety minutes. Eighty-nine -"

"We can go now." I actually wanted to get out before nightfall. It was surprising that her practices were this late in the day. But it kept her in shape so I'm glad she's got that outlet.

"Ok, I'm just gonna finish this piece." Anya smiled and returned to her paper.

I smiled and returned to my room. I knew better than to disrupt her creative process. She used drawing as a journal, manifestation or channelling. I only used it as a means of journaling.

With the remaining time I closed in the door and checked my attire maybe for the tenth time. I fixed the top ponytail and made sure it blended into the remainder of my hair well. It was just out of the car and into the mall, so I didn't find it necessary for a beanie. Plus it presses my bangs into my line of vision, so I rather not have that. I kept staring in the mirror and walked closer to it. I moved my hair back to inspect my jaw, on both sides. They were less swollen within the week of being here. I haven't been able to purge when my sister was here. She was my main concern since she heard so well. And sometimes forgets to do her night routine for good sleep, and so insomnia would kick her ass.