Dark and light: The Shadows

Chapter 26

Abosk wasn't able to reach me at the hospital that day. He had an important class task to deal with for two sessions, but he said he could show up after, according to Deven. He offered to send Kiruk, not picking up on the urgency, but Deven must've felt my discontent with the entire situation, though I was knocked out.

We weren't discharged until nightfall, lucky that we were discharged that day at all. I didn't know how to feel as we took a cab back to campus that day.

I did my best to reassure my club captain that I was doing better and was just dehydrated, while I already knew the gender. It's the same as Storm's.

What made me anxious was that we were due 4 months apart from each other. It crossed my mind occasionally in class, where I was talking less again, but remembered to smile. It passed as a reminder mid-conversation with Deven. With Pinky-Jean, who finally got around to talking to me. She told me what I needed to know, via gossip, of what happened on Christmas Eve. She did the good thing in holding back the man's name. I did remember his face, though. That creepy guy who was with us while we played the game in Pinky-Jean's hotel room. He was being a bit too cocky about what he had done. He had a blurred motion picture to prove it.

I prayed for everything that I wouldn't see him about during this summer vacation.

And that brings us up to the present. We're now at home,  exams were done,  it's been a week, and I've been meditating a lot. I've been struggling with not regurgitating on demand, but I'd been weeks clean since that doctor's appointment and weeks before. I put the prenatal and such in my old medication bottles. The doctor recommended a safer BPD medication, but I looked up the side effects. As long as I confine myself here, I think I'll be fine without it.

Strangely enough, I want to remain calmer now. I didn't want anything to cause me unnecessary stress, unnecessary worries, and triggers. When I was unpacking, Anya popped by to ask if I was ok. And if I didn't feel hot. I still thought this early summer "heat" was mildly warm as the days went on, so large t-shirts have been my go-to. Storm commented that it looked like I was being swallowed into the shirt, on accident but I just giggled while everyone else waited. Like they were waiting for me to freeze and evaluate it myself. I don't know if this shift in attitude is making me more suspicious. That's the opposite of what I'm going for.
I just want to live. I want her to develop as healthily and safely as possible. It's too late for me to do anything else. I've only been measuring, not weighing. I've grown out my bangs, which I'll trim again once September rolls around.

I feel crazy for wanting to be better for a girl I won't be able to keep. Ms. Wallace was the one who showed up at the hospital, and we began making arrangements for her. I didn't know she knew someone willing to adopt, and while I'm doing all this for the fetus -, knowing I wasn't even conscious, knowing who did it... I wouldn't be able to look the infant in the eyes and feel whatever love is building in me for her in real time.

I just hoped my stomach didn't get any bigger than this.

My phone chimed, and I saw a message on the lock screen.

"Hiii! Guess who's got a few days off! I really wanna be there when Storm's like 3 hours close to the due date. 🤭😂"

I smiled, then got a sinking feeling. Something in my stomach turned. It never felt comfortable. It never felt ticklish. It was spontaneous, but it wasn't often. To my luck.

I inhaled and exhaled deeply before typing, but she'd beat me to a phone call.

"So, settling in from school good?" Her voice rang before she showed up on the screen. She drew the 'so' longer than normal.

I chuckled and slowly spun with the camera. She nodded, impressed and ducked to pick something else up.

"What are you doing?" I squinted my eyes and came closer to the camera.