Dark and light: The Shadows

Chapter 28

'How can I stand by and not help when justice is needed?'

Summer flew by us. I wasn't at home nearly as much as I wanted to be. I was barely in Pennsylvania.

I could feel the urge to lash out occasionally, whenever I'd get overstimulated - which being back in energy-dense L.A., did take me too long. So once I found a calm corner in whichever building, I kept it. Our 'apartment' for the time included.

I can't believe I'm saying this, but I was glad to be back on the eastern side of the US. I'm glad the summer in Easton was a bit less warm than in LA. And I'm glad I'm still unsuspected returning to school... I'm glad she wasn't upset with me.

As class ended, I went to the gym, only texting Deven on the way. I felt heavy, though I didn't think I looked that way. I just... whatever, I just needed to keep my breathing in check and get an hour on this stationary bike without wanting to pass out. I was this far in, keeping my shape in check, and I couldn't stop now. The phone vibrated, and I saw a message and a missed call from Abosk. I selected my workout playlist and got on with my task. It didn't feel urgent.

I needed this anxiety to go away, not be grown.

-

It was the longest week this month, and I seriously considered notifying the office of my situation and switching to online.

Deven was right here, encouraging that, as was Sabrina. I just didn't want to be home, and the house we bought was further than anyone would like.

"I think academic stress can hamper you and her." Deven raised her hands and flopped them back down on my bed.

"I just can't be at home." I shook my head, shaking away the thought that inserted itself in it.

I rubbed my stomach, free from the waist trainer. Deven half smiled and extended her hand in permission to rub my stomach. I sat up, and she transferred herself to the ground.

"Feeling her move around is so therapeutic. It's a relaxant in between classes." She looked up at me, "Don't take this the wrong way. but you look healthier. Minus the dark bags, which are very minimal. 'Oh, Dev, você é um salva-vidas.; Oh, Não é nada, Beki.'"

I laughed and grimaced as soon as I felt the liquid.

"What? Did you pee yourself again?" She started to laugh as I narrowed my eyes at her.

I mocked her and got up to change my pad. I should just use diapers at this point.

I glanced, then surveyed myself in the mirror. I then got critical. I didn't like the occasional heartburn, nor the eye darkness. I didn't like the shortness of breath or the varicose veins that caused this irritating itch. I didn't like that I had to hide this because I caught it late.

The main door opened, and I could hear a man's voice. I stood still, mid-pad application, identifying it as Abosk.

I quickly got my pants back on and pulled my shirt down. I knew he'd show up after that last text. Suddenly, my hair needed fixing.

"Dude," he knocked on my door. "You know I know you know I'm here."

'That's a lot of knows.' I ran my hand through my bangs before hearing his exasperated sigh.

That sigh told me to stop playing around, so I counted to six before I stepped out of the bathroom.

He was now in the room, on my bed, wearing tennis attire. This had better not be post-practice. He shook his head. His eyes then dropped to my stomach.

"How long are you gonna keep hiding?" He shook his head."Mãe has to know -"

"They don't need to know. They're dealing with Storm's two-month-old. And I'm not keeping her." I shook my head. "This came from an unholy situation in many lengths."