Unforgettable | Yuzuru Hanyu

41. Hardships

Kana loved him with everything she had and every single time, he just gave her even more reasons for that to happen.

The suggestion to go to Japan was one she had expected earlier but all at the same time, it was hard to know if it was a good idea.

In a way, Yuzuru was definitely right that this could be a very beneficial thing for her. As hard as it was to admit, there was no denying that the chances of getting all of her memories back were very slim but at the same time, not trying at all felt wrong as well.

On that day, when he suggested the whole thing, Kana knew very well that she needed time to think about it. This wasn't a decision to make in the kitchen after such a long day.

"Let me think about it." she had muttered to the skater who looked guilty right away. 

In no shape or form did she think of him badly for suggesting the whole thing. All she wanted was to explain that most of the whole thing needed to be sorted in her head first but even in that, she couldn't tell him directly.

Kana noticed right away how he gently distanced himself from her and the tension that settled in the apartment was way too evident to ignore.

She felt worse about herself than ever before, mostly because he was clearly trying to help in the best way possible and she just didn't know how to deal with all of it at the same time.

Yuzuru still ate by her side, staying awfully silent through it all, eying her every movement without a single word.

That was just the thing about relationships, you need to learn how to value your partner but most of all, you need to learn how to deal with your dynamic and the way you work together. Yuzuru didn't know how much was going on in her head and Kana still didn't really know how to explain it to him.

Watching him go to bed after dinner without a single word in her direction was something that she never truly expected but all at the same time, Kana could only be glad that he was still staying there with her.

Making sure she gave him some time by himself, the girl only went to bed about half an hour later.

The truth was that it was more than clear that both of them were overthinking the situation and it was only a matter of time until it all crumbled to pieces. Everything had been amazing just a few hours before and the last thing either of them wanted was to ruin things when it was all so new.

Even if she didn't remember everything and her memory still failed her, Kana wanted to believe she knew him well enough by now.

Yuzuru wasn't one to actively go to people after you had a fight. He always needed to be pushed in the right direction to make the whole process of healing happen.

When she entered the bedroom and saw him in the bed, eyes wide open and staring at the ceiling, there were very few doubts in her head that she had to act fast.

Yuzuru didn't move at all when she sat by his side on the bed but his eyes showed a tinge of pain in them and there was no denying that he had been crying from how swollen they were.

"I'm sorry." she said right away, the image in front of her eyes almost too painful to endure.

"You...you didn't do anything wrong." Yuzuru said after a few minutes. Kana could've sworn she didn't understand this man but all at the same time, she loved him more and more with each day that went by.

"Then why are you like this?"

His eyes finally met hers and a smile graced his face.

"It's all in my head."

"It's in both our heads. I don't know how to explain this to you... I didn't mean it as a big No, I just need to consider everything that it implies before saying yes."

Yuzuru lightly moved his hand to trace her cheek, caressing it slowly and lovingly.

"I know... I'm overreacting and I know as much. I think everything just hit me all at once if I'm being honest with you. These days have been such a rollercoaster that everything seems to blow out of perspective."

"You mean with us?"

"Yes."

She had never considered how he was truly feeling about her return to his life. As much as it could be seen as a really good thing, you also had to wonder and consider that it could have some other impact as well. Suddenly, it wasn't just her life that had changed but also everything he knew about someone he once loved had changed as well.

"I love you with everything I have and that hasn't changed. It's just that all of this is still a big hit after thinking you were gone for so long. I never once thought I could have you in my arms again. And yes, it makes me so damn happy that I feel like crying."

Kana couldn't help the little giggle that left her when he said it. His whole behavior was more of a severe introspection than it was anything else related to her answer.

Kissing his lips felt like the natural course of action and the smile that it got out of him was so precious that now she was the one who felt like crying.

Relationships and feelings were definitely hard but they had always worked great as a team and it certainly wouldn't change. 

It didn't even take that much to convince her then. Kana knew very well what she wanted.

"I will go to Japan if you want me to."